How I stopped binge eating.

"I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it." ~ Rita Mae Brown.

There is a food addiction in my life. I am careful to say it that way because I try not to own it, or have it as a piece of my identity. I did not always realize it was an addiction, I didn’t realize it was creeping out of hand. Then one day I couldn’t stop myself from pulling into every drive through, hiding the bags from other fast food runs and ordering three meals with three different drinks in hopes that the cashier would think I was ordering for the whole family. I had no money and yet I would pay with a credit card or delay other bills to ensure that I could binge. Sitting in my car, somewhere dark or desolate, I would eat. There was little taste as I chewed minimally and stuffed bite after bite. Somewhere after the first burger I was high – lost in a chemical whirlwind. I didn’t hurt, I didn’t think, I didn’t feel, I didn’t worry. I didn’t exist. As soon as the last bite was swallowed I would panic, finding places to toss the evidence and crying as I drove home. Disgusted and angry, not to mention feeling physically ill.
In the winter of 2007 I told my girlfriend what I had been doing. I cried and confessed with the expectation of her rejecting me and finding me as disgusting as I found myself. She cried with me and then was just like, “So now what?” The answer to that was nothing. I wasn’t ready; all of the factors that irritated the food addiction were still so much bigger than me. Emotional distress, financial uncertainty, family stress and mental imbalance are all issues that created ‘the perfect storm’ for me. I did however decide that I would not hide it from her anymore. A strange thing happened; once it was out of the dark it was weakened. Suddenly what was a daily (often twice a day) habit became a weekly, every once in a while twice weekly event. A month later I told my mother what had been going on, a few days later I told my sister, a week or so after that I told my best friends. Every time I told someone the overwhelming need and push got a bit smaller.
IN NO WAY did the addiction change or go away, just that by admitting it and owing it I gained some control. Still, for the next few years, I would binge. In May I decided I was going to Weight Watchers and working the program in a whole new way. The week before I joined I binged. I have not binged since then, I hold myself accountable and I move forward. There have been times when I was so weak and sad and I needed that escape, but because I have been being honest with everyone I just reached out for help. The longer I go, the weaker the addiction gets and the stronger my will to live and be happy gets.

Tips:

• Do not eat in your car. (I no longer eat in my car unless I really need to. During the last five months I have eaten in my car ONCE.)
• Be honest with SOMEONE. (If you can't even imagine coming clean to your friends or hubby or mother, find someone you can tell. It gets easier and easier to be honest with yourself when you are being honest with others. I can be found here, on Youtube and on blogger, reach out!)
• Look deeper. (Addiction is a symptom of something bigger. Physically, mentally, emotionally - something is wrong. Working on the root will help you conquer the addiction.)
• Identify your triggers and avoid them, if they are unavoidable make a plan of action that you can go to each and every time! (This is so important! Triggers can be fast food places, but those are obvious and easy to stay out of. Hidden triggers, such as a fight with your spouse, may have you eating before you even realize what is going on. You have to be ready for any event to cause the addiction to rear up again.)

Recovery is good.

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