Little FAT Me

I work full time and I barely have time to breathe. In 2005 hurricane Katrina rearranged my life, since then I have gained roughly 80-90 pounds. I believe that it started in depression and became an addiction. I have started and failed many diets and then decided that MAYBE if I combine diet and exercise with blogging and shopping I might be able to find success. This is the story of 2010 and my struggle to rise above addiction, pain, depression and fat.
My photo
30. Mother. Wife. Artist. Psychic (sensitive.) Writer. Singer. Rain dancer. Lover. Daughter. Sister. Child of God.

The road to MY PERSONAL goal BMI/weight!

Friday, January 27

12 minute miles...

I ran 5 straight. I ran for a solid hour and I ran it at 12 minutes a mile. If I did that I should be able to beat my time by 10 minutes. Add a few sprints and I can SO do this!

I want you to die.

I don’t want to have a dead grandmother, you are not only the best grandma I had but also the last grandparent. I don’t want to tell my tiny heart that you died. I don’t want her to hurt, I don’t want to hurt. I don’t want to feel scared and I don’t want to be lost. I don’t want my mother or her sisters or brother to hurt.
I do want you to die. I’m sorry.
I want you to drop dead from some crazy heart attack, when no one is looking. I want you to get hit by a car when we are all tucked in. I don’t want you to die slow, slow, slow, s l o w . While we all stand around unable to help. I don’t want things to hurt worse everyday. I don’t want it to take so long that you lose who you are even more than you have. I don’t want to dread phone calls and then feel numb because it’s never the end, it’s always just the beginning of the end.
I love you, and I want you to die. What kind of a person am I?

Sunday.

I am going to a new church on Sunday.
I hope it is gay friendly. I don’t want to take my wife and make out in the pews, but I would like to have my wife and kids and not feel like everyone wants me dead…

Wednesday, January 18

Having the right size bowl...

Cereal really has a way of getting all of us to eat more of it than we mean to. I've spoken before about this alarming talent and thought that I should probably bring it up again as this blog is OVER a year old and a lot of the peeps here now are not the ones here then. You may or may not know that the average serving size for a kid's cereal (meaning all things bright, fun, sugary and having a cartoon who helps us love it more) is a cup. This has to do with two things - size of the big rainbow pieces, and calories per day for kids being higher than us chubbed up grown folks. I know, it sucks. Anywho, the average serving size for adult cereal and "healthy" cereal (meaning boxes that make you think that the cardboard the writing is printed on may taste better that what it's holding and all things whole grain, wheat, added fiber) is 3/4ths a cup, with many granolas being 1/2. That's true and it has to do with us requiring less on a daily scale and with the cereal being smalled in individual size and with the fact that to make that "low calorie" claim they slap on the box they decrease how much you get (M&M's are low calorie if you only eat 10) and finally, in the case of granola, you really do need less to be satisfied if you take the time to eat and enjoy your breakfast.
Still, we are a fat minded society (you know, and a lot of us are a fat minded or previously fat minded person and that never really goes away) and what we see has a lot to do with how we feel after a meal. If you put an 8oz. (TWICE the serving you should be having) steak and a side of grilled veggies on a huge plate with lots of empty space we feel like we were slighted, like we will still be hungry, we pick up our utensils just KNOWING we will need to eat more. That mind set is a powerful thing and the next thing you know you are finished that meal and your stomach is hungry.
SIDE NOTE: Through this journey SO many people I have talked to about hunger bristle when I indicate that they can not be hungry. They get upset and say things like, "BUT I AM HUNGRY. YOU may not be, BUT I AM ALL THE FUCKING TIME." Please understand that I am not saying you don't feel hunger, just that if you are doing things right - i.e. water, good meals - and still hungry then that hunger is mental hunger, which is no less real and in actuality is harder to overcome because simple eating right and staying hydrated doesn't help you get over the mental crutch you have given yourself by using food or eating incorrectly for so long. (Or, in my case, both.)
Back to this blog: Below I have three pictures of a serving of cereal in three different bowls, you will see as we go further down that the smaller the bowl, the more satisfying the cereal looks. (If you want to know what kind of cereal I have a Wednesday "What's in your... 3 Bowls Edition" coming up next Wednesday. The first bowl is what I would have used in my adult life. I would have filled it up and then added all the whole milk I could, honestly I probably would have eaten two or three bowls.
The second bowl is what my mother would have used, still over filling by default because the bowl just looks like it calls for more.This is my new favorite bowl, it has enough room for the cereal and milk (I now use skim and only 1/4 a cup) and also for cereal and yogurt if I want a spunky snack. Can you see what I am talking about?

Tuesday, January 17

Today's Gourmet:

Today was a great food day!

Friday, January 6

New Year 2012

Each and every year we go camping for the new year. It's a way to end the year and start the next secluded from everything but our family. Me, Banana and the kids. It's nice, and hopefully it's something they will want to continue and wont feel bad giving up parties for.This year the oldest tried wood burning for the first time and she rocked it.I had my annual, guilt free, cinnamon roll and sausage breakfast to start 2012.We popped a beautiful firework every hour on the hour as we counted down from 9 to midnight, the kids were real troopers and the Banana was a zombie.Once again, thank God, we lucked out with weather. There was a warm day (70's) so the kids were able to hit the beach for a bit of shallow wading and sand time!

On going madness..

In keeping with the what's-your-excuse-for-disappearing theme of my triumphant return to the blog-o-sphere I would like to introduce you to Tobias Grey, aka McDreamy - common house name: Toby.A few weeks ago I met him in the park a few blocks away, where I left him. He was so sweet and playful and was so inviting and happy, BUT I had 5 cats at home and there just could not be another. Then he showed up on my door step two weeks later, crying to be let in. The banana caved almost instantly, it took about ten minutes if him loving her down good! Since then the house has been a mad storm of vet appointments, cat neuters, hissing and fuckery on the part of my cats - who do not want a brother, friend, or playmate. Toby is hella laid back, he doesn't pursue and walks away from the trouble until they corner him. I am letting them work it out and only interfere if he is too gained up on or if he is cornered and can't get to the bathroom, water, food or door... However, while this kitty drama plays out I am sleepless and aggravated. All worth is because he is my luva!

Thursday, January 5

2012 Work out personal challenge:

In May of 2010, actually it was June, I decided to challenge myself to work out 30 minutes three times for a week. I did it. At the end of that week I decided to do it for a month (meaning, at the time, four weeks.) When the end of the four weeks came it was only like a week and a half away from the end of July and I thought, “I should do this monthly and why not start by finishing July?” That was the first shadow of what would shape the rest of that year and my life. I LOVE my workouts, seriously. I think of them, plan them, look forward to them, like to share some, like to keep some for myself – my workouts have become what fast food was to me. Only I am PROUD of them, I sing and dance and talk to everyone and anyone who will listen. I adore this me. (When I was hooked on fast food I was lonely, unhealthy, sad, sick and so ashamed.)
For a year and a half I gave myself the little goals of month to month workouts, this year I am starting a new system. I am planing monthly and then sticking to that plan. I have 19 workout PLANNED for January, there may be more – there will not be less! I figure I will update weekly – instead of each work out. Some were getting skipped (clearly as I didn’t post for TWO WEEKS!) and I don’t want to lose them!

Tuesday, January 3

Wow. Where have I been?

I don't even know where to start, besides saying that I (like most of America) have been so busy with the holidays and the unplanned life things that I feel as if i have barely taken a breath. Also, and I KNOW this sound redic, but working on Saturday has really thrown me off. Instead of being able to take Friday night and blog/vlog, catch up and do whateve I am trying to prep for the next day! Also, I have to rearrange my work out and it just feels wonkie right now. So I thought I should start - where? Let's start in December and do life first:
1) The lovely state of Louisiana froze our bank account over a stupid tax issue that is now fixed, but at the time caused and ass load of problems. This is including, but not limited to late fees and NSF fees and a slew of stress related health BS for me.
2) My oldest duckie had two major appointments, one was with the eye doctor and yep - mother teacher was right - she needed glasses. Poor child is in shock by the details of the world! The second appointment was the BIG BIG deal - the dentist. She has had a few bad times with those guys and so she was more than freaked about going. We made an appointment with Kool Smiles and those guys were awesome start to finish. She is actually looking forward to going next time!Of course those are the life things that didn't include the new job, the holidays or the other crazy crap.

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