Little FAT Me

I work full time and I barely have time to breathe. In 2005 hurricane Katrina rearranged my life, since then I have gained roughly 80-90 pounds. I believe that it started in depression and became an addiction. I have started and failed many diets and then decided that MAYBE if I combine diet and exercise with blogging and shopping I might be able to find success. This is the story of 2010 and my struggle to rise above addiction, pain, depression and fat.
My photo
30. Mother. Wife. Artist. Psychic (sensitive.) Writer. Singer. Rain dancer. Lover. Daughter. Sister. Child of God.

The road to MY PERSONAL goal BMI/weight!

Monday, January 31

February Challenge: Week 1, # 2

Good, no GREAT run! Burned some amazing calories and I got my heart going – going!

Today was an 8.

My mother makes me sad. My heart hurts. I love my baby so much and I hate that we can’t just live and be happy. Gosh! I am in a eww0y mood!

February Challenge: Week 1, # 1

Saturday I hit another Zumba class with my friend from WW! She kills it, I have to really work to figure out the steps. Still, it is fun and it is work out. We did an hour and this instructor rocks!

FOUR times a week?

Yep. I figured that with the addition of Zumba and the running and the 10K coming up and the fact that February is a short month :) that it was a good time to aim a wee bit higher!

Sunday, January 30

Today was a 7.

Ah, poo! I hate the end of the weekend! I don’t want to send my babies back to school! I miss them already!

Saturday, January 29

72.7!

SHUT UP! No! I can’t! OMG – thank You! Thank You! Thank You! God – thank You! I am energized and I feel amazing!

Today is a 10!

Zumba with my friend!
Loss of 2.2 this week!
Kids and I heading to the aquarium!
SIZE 14 PANTS!

Weekly Meeting (Wk 37)

Hey kids. Down 2.2 this week! Total loss 72.7! Thank You, God!

Friday, January 28

Today was an 8.

Argh! I am so sleepy and so tired of watching everything. Today, for the first time I just want to eat everything. I know this will pass, I just have to be strong!

Thursday, January 27

January Challenge: Week 4, # 4

Zumba – an hour of movement that was both fun and a good workout. I liked it and when I looked up Zumba to try to figure calories burned it was like 450, but that seemed redonk so I put it as low impact aerobics and it still said 350! Cool.
I do like it and plan on doing more, but at the same time it is strange. I like run because it is just me and God and the treadmill. Zumba is a group and a friend from WW is there, Kim. She was part of my car pool group and it is fun to hang with her, just strange because I usually workout alone.

Today is a 9.

I am happier just because and I can not wait to Zumba this evening! Also, I got a new 43things.com app and now I can post pics – yay! There is mo option to post to my blog, but with a few extra steps it is possible.

Wednesday, January 26

January Challenge: Week 4, # 3

Gym. Total 30 minutes, 225 calories. I forced myself to run a twelve minute mile and had to cut it into chunks. I am cramping pretty awful and HATE working out on my period. Yet, I did it!

Today is an 8.

I am in a wee funk, clearly not a bad one – as I am still hanging onto my 8!

Tuesday, January 25

Today is an 8.

I started my period. I am crappy and angry and sleepy and sad and weepy. No reason other than hormones. I am also hungry in ways that are unearthly! Grrr! Also, I am glad I preplanned this day as a skip the gym day!

January Challenge: Week 4, # 2

Monday, despite rain an traffic. Lovely run, thank God. Burned off enough to feel good and I still got to dancing on time! Yay!

Can we talk about this?



I KNOW that we are all adults and that we alone are responsible for our choices, but come effing on! Honesty I don't even know which is worse, the pizza and wings or the cookies! I think of my life sometimes and I imagine being healthy and sober for a very long time, and maybe this should not bother me - it does. It is like a heroin addict finding out the local dealer is running a two for one special. I get scared, will I really be able to do this FOREVER? This food isn't even that good, but it doesn't end here it just keeps going.
I had already planned a video on sobriety. Now it will happen tonight FOR SURE.

Monday, January 24

Today is a 9.

Another would be 10 if I has my childrens ;) with me. Can’t wait to be a SAHM and Homeschool! So amazing. I am feeling pretty hungry and I need to drinkire water. I can not wait to get to the gym this evening! Oh, and dancing – but that is cool I got a teeny jump on things and I plan on stretching it as far as I can!

The plan.

Planning ahead rarely worked when I started this journey, now it seems the only way. Like, will power isn't what it was all the time so the best bet is to minimize the time I will have to use it. :)
So I have my day mapped food wise, I am hitting the gym straight after picking up Thing 1 and Thing 2, and I pre-cooked squash and sauce yesterday so two days of food are already taken care of! Yay!

Weight Watchers (Wk 36)



I am down! Down! I can't help to be a bit worried that it can't be real. I mean how could it? Have I been that good? Have I worked out that much? Thank God, who is good. Thank God for will power and healing energy! Yay!

Sunday, January 23

Today is an 8.

I don’t want my babies to go back to school, I miss them already. I have been enjoying the relaxed and back to living food approach. I had really gotten uptight and it was wearing me out! Now, I am back to enjoying a few snacks and not feeling guilty about days not visiting the gym! (I even had a slice of pizza I made for the family, of course it was as healthy as possible and I pointed it but for a while I would not have dared touched it. No way to live!)

You're free little black koi - you're free!


Well, it's that time again, actually a few pounds pass, time to release another 10% koi! That's right, with the latest loss of 20 pounds another fish goes free. Check it out down there, there is only one left at this point. One more 10% of 18 pounds and then about 12 more to get to the 100 pound mark: 29.5 pounds to be exact! OMG! Thank You, God!

Another vist from BMI girl!

So at the start of this life change I was sitting roundly at 255 with a BMI of 43.8! Yikes! Now, 36 weeks later I have lost 70.5 and my BMI is 31.7! Wow, what a difference a couple of months and a LOT of hard work can make!

Saturday, January 22

Goals!

I was just chilling and thinking about the fact that since work firewalled 43Things.com I really don’t get over here as much as I should and then it hit me that I should update my goals for this year! It wasn’t until I got here that I realized that I would be able to adjust things! Yay!
Starting weight – 255
Current weight – 193.6
First goal – 10% of starting weight – 25 pounds – need to lose: DONE
Second goal – 10% of new weight (230) – 23 pounds – need to lose: DONE
Third goal – 10% of new weight (207) – 20 pounds – need to lose: DONE
Fourth goal – 10% of new weight (187) – 18 pounds – need to lose: 15.6
100 pound goal – projected new weight (169) – 14 pounds – 29.6

January Challenge: Week 4, # 1

Thirty-five minutes at the gym, sweating and grinding – lovely! Thing is, something hurts. Not anything I usually have – it is like and inch to the left and and inch above my navel. ??? I don’t know, it started after the gym at WallyWorld when I was picking up a big old bag of cat litter. Yikes!

January Challenge: Week 3, # 3

This was entered already – I have no idea what happened! Thursday I went to the gym and it was a good, hard half an hour. Burned and ached, and I had to fit it between picking up the littles and then getting back to school to be there for Mia’s honor roll ceremony – A’s again!

Today is a 9.

I lost weight, I figured out how to talk to my extremely gifted eight year old in a way that both gets the point across, but allows her not to feel bad. I hit the gym and got to WallyWorld. Phew! I am done!

Friday, January 21

January Challenge: Week 3, #3

Yesterday!
Hit the gym for a quick 30 between picking up kids and heading back to school for the honor roll ceremony. My beautiful and amazing MoMo just got another all A honor roll. :) I am inapropriatly proud! Anywho, with only a half hour I have toake it count and managed to get in 2.6 miles and burn off 220 calories. Yay!

Today is a 7.

I hate when being a mom means being a “meanie” and last night it did. How do you stress the importance of other peoples feelings by fussing and hurting their feelings. I just want to be the most amazing mom and sometimes I feel like I barely squeak by as acceptable.

Approved!

I put in for our vacation yesterday and we got the approval today! Now, when tax money comes in - all we got to do it make the payments! I am so excited! Also, A went and picked up my wedding band yesterday and I got to play with it! (I was not allowed to photograph it on because she did not want it blogged. I did manage a quick snap of it on the box!)





Thursday, January 20

Today is a 9.

Fueled, I think, by the amazing workout I had yesterday I am having a much better day today. A better day than I have had in a long while. I can’t wait to get to the gym again today and I am thrilled to have yet another honor roll ceremony to attend and I know it is gonna cause the night to he stressful, but at the end of this stressful day there will be a mind numbing brain coma episode of Jersey Shore on!

WARNING: This post may have an abundance of foul words.



Okay, so my fucking ho-ass coworker (who bitches about being so fat at 5'7 and MAYBE 135 pounds) has set this free M&M dispenser up literally six feet from me. Yeah. Every time I come or go I walk pass. I had gotten into the habit of grabbing five or six (which is really saying something about my self control) every time I walked by. Here and there I don't count points. So I just shrugged the rouge M&Ms off. Only I did some research and at best one plain M&M has 4.5 calories. So six little ass candies is roughly 27 calories. Do this three times a day = 81 calories. When you factor in the fat and the lack of fiber you have AT least 2 points wasted on 18 teeny, blithering, dumb ass dumb candies. Do that four days a week and suddenly there are EIGHT points not pointed. Hmm, yep - and, it is strange how a few candies here and there makes my entire days resolve melt. Well, day 2 of not touching the StarWars chocolate and I am much better.

Wednesday, January 19

January Challenge: Week 3, # 2

A-mazing run! Awesome. I pushed and burned and hurt and I feel great! 3.10 miles, a 5K, in 45.5 minutes. I ran 1.8 miles at 5 mph and then walked the rest between 3.8-3.5 mph and the entire time I was at 1% incline while running and 2-3.5% incline while “walking” fast. I burned 340 calories and I am still flushed. I LOVE MY NEW SHOES!!

7, 7, 7! Winning numbers?

If so great, but not really. I seem to be in a rough spot and my body hurts and I can’t blog from work. That means no quick motivation at lunch or breaks. Ugh. I am setting an alarm on my phone to help me remember to 43Things on regular.

Sunday, January 16

January Challenge: Week 3, # 1

Yesterday.
New shoes made this the best workout in at least two weeks! I am so happy! I did 3.6 miles and it was awesome!

Yesterday was a 9, today a 10!

The kids are home for an extended break and you guys know I love that! I got new shoes – these are the ones and I had an awesome workout yesterday! Yay!

Friday, January 14

Stir Fry

OMG, you guys. As I cook I get braver and braver. Tonight I made Soba noodle stir fry with Asian sesame dressing. Yum! To flavor the meet I mixed onions, brown sugar, vanilla and a touch of garlic to my extra lean turkey meat and I let it sit for a day.



Today is an 8.

Still not sleeping well, but there is joy knowing that I have the weekend off and that last night I was (at least) a productive little insomniac. I went through one of my art magazines and clipped what I wanted and tossed the rest. Also, I should lose SOMETHING tomorrow and that is nice to know also.

Thursday, January 13

January Challenge: Week 2, # 3

So I hit the gym and had my sites set on just getting a fast paced walk – LOVEY. It was good to do and NOT over push myself.

Today is a 7.

I did not win last night. I came home and cooked dinner and was just so empty and in pain that I decide to try my stationary bike instead. three minutes in I was like, no – I have to take a day off.

Wednesday, January 12

Today is a 7.

I was going to say it was an 8, but 7 seems right pain and determination are butting heads. I hope to go to yoga, but will settle for the gym.

Tuesday, January 11

January Challenge: Week 2, # 2

Another painful, yet GREAT, run! Actually less running then I like, but I gotta work with myself!

Today is an 8.

Well, I just feel bad – I hurt. In my brain I was creating reasons to skip the gym. I am NOT skipping the gym. We are going. Tomorrow I am going to Yoga – I may not run after. I guess it all just depends. :)

Monday, January 10

January Challenge: Week 2, # 1

Went for a run today – half way through the shoes were pretty painful. I am hoping that they just need to be broke in proper. We shall see!

Today is an 8.

I was a grump. I hate when I grump at the kids, they don’t need that. I am discombobulated, and stressed. It is a combo of things really. Let’s see: Pain is up, time is flying, money is tight, stress is OUT OF CONTROL, I feel out if time CONSTANTLY!!!!
On the flip side – we just found out that Louisiana is opening and on-line public school next year. Anyone who reads this little diddy of a blog knows that we were planning on homeschooling next year so this is AMAZING timing for our family.

Tracking!

So this is what my tracker looks like these days. I put my caloric goal at the top and then note the calories of each food instead of the time eaten. As I pre-planed this day I am Xing the foods in the next column as I consume them.
The second picture is what I do at the start of each new week. I mark my loss from the week before and I go online with the new weight to get an idea of my new caloric needs and goals.





When I get better at planning my workout I am going to write out a plan for the week. Thing is that lately I write a plan and get very bothered when it does not come to fruition, so I feel like it is better to just let it go for now.

Sunday, January 9

Today was a 9.

Whew, girls! It has been a day – a 9 day! Not for a bunch of frilly reasons, but for hard core life reasons. I didn’t get to the gym or any workout done. I did get to the grocery store and I did get my girls Nix’ed. As in I had to treat them both because the little little had knits and BUGS in her blond hair. MoMo was knit and bug free, but I treated to be sure and to prevent them running to her as we leave them with no place safe to go. I was overwhelmed and upset and feeling like I could NEVER get everything rolling. (Not to mention, despite KNOWING that lice happen and the clean children get them and that we are great parents, it is hard not to feel guilty when your kid has flippin’ bug in her hair.) Still, after a quick call to Mimi the mother guru I was off to Walgreens where THANK GOD all the lice treatments we on serious sale! I came home and gave the honey do list to Be and she was lovely about getting it all done, making sure the kids had clean bedding and all I had to do was treat and pick. No small task, but nothing compared to if I had to do it all. :)

Now THAT I like to see!

Strolling through the WallyWorld today and I came across the soup section. All the Progresso soups were on sale! Yay. As I am on the Momentum plan these are one point a serving. I love the clam chowder on super cold days like today!





Saturday, January 8

Over there on 43Things.com I listed a fairly little goal on June 9th of last year. It was "buy fitness shoes" and I got it done two days later. A few weeks later I got a pair of Asics for serious walking. Well, as I have mentioned in my videos, I wore out my shoes! Yeah, me. Ms. I don't sweat. Ms. I can't move. I wore them out. So, I replaced them. What fun!





My original Payless brand fitness shoes with their busted out air pocket, and my dearly departed Asics.





My lovely new shaper shoes by Dr. Scholl's - so, SO comfy! My new Reeboks!

My Best Friend's Girl - Dorothy Koomson

To put this (and any other book review in the future) in perspective - I am a reader. I live to read and can do it quick if I am interested in the least. Generally I like chick lit for a fun, fast and stress free evening. This book is just in the outside of that category because the whole premises focuses on the betrayal of the main character by her best friend and the best friends subsequent death, which leaves her daughter without a mother at five years old. The book still manages to be a light read and a happy "feel good" story as it wraps up.
I read it in roughly four hours.



Weekly Meeting (Wk 33 & 34)

Last week, down 4.4!
This week, down 1.0!
Total: 67.3

Yesterday was a 6, today a 9.

Yesterday I was very ill – tummy wise. Ick.
Today I am down a pound and feeling better! Yay!

Thursday, January 6

The missing videos:

I mobile posted a few videos and then made a random when I got home. None of those made it here, so I am updating now!


Today was an 8.

Hmmmm. Thanks, again, Nari. Your words, while few, have helped me sort things out. I am not worried over how I will fill the calling, for now I am enjoying a closeness with God that I have missed and I will let it developed as it will.
My uncle is “better” – though I don’t know if that is a good or a bad yet.

January Challenge: Week 1, # 3

This run was a hard one. I went and bit the bullet and bought new runners, but I didn’t wear them today. (I wanted REALLY clean feet.) So I pushed it in my old shoes and BANG – I pushed it too far. My left heel hurts SO bad! Still, I got in a good half an hour and since the littles are enjoying their gym time I will be extending the time to about 45 minutes! Yay!

Introducing Pixie Del Q*Bert.

New car. While I am nervous about the car note it was much needed and I feel WAY safer. (It don't hurt that she is SO very cute!) With no further ado it is my pleasure to introduce Pixie del Q*bert.





Younger peeps will not remember Pixie's namesake, so I included a picture of the OG himself, Q*Bert.

Wednesday, January 5

January Challenge: Week 1, # 2

Good run at the gym. I like being there with the littles also. Tomorrow I am running a 45 minute “trail” where the treadmill changes incline and speed to simulate trail running. Should be interesting!

Today was a 7.

Again.
I am in pain – physical pain that is aching from my legs and seeping from my shoulders. I am stressed out and sad. I am feeling overwhelmed and seriously the only time I feel really okay is: A. When I run. B. At the end of yoga when we meditate. C. In my car when I pray.
I need to focus on selling whatever I can to get new running shoes. I also need another yoga mat. And, I just might need to breathe. :)
Okay, long January – I know will give birth to a great new year – just keep going.

Tuesday, January 4

Today was a 7.

The good:
I got a new car. I got to take the day off of work. I got to pick the kids up early. I got to visit my uncle. I got to go check out some new running shoes.
The bad:
I have a new car note. I had to use a day of vacation time to fool with used car sales people. My poor babies had to sit at a dang dealership FOREVER. My uncle is unconscious in the hospital. I cannot afford new running shoes because of the aforementioned car note.

Monday, January 3

January Challenge: Week 1, # 1

Gym run. It was beautiful. I just got back and I wish I was still there. My FAVORITE Christmas song ever is God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen and I got a Annie Lennox CD with it on it – best ever! I ran to it and cried and prayed… Running is like my church right now – I just run and it is me and God, sitting there in the gym having it all out. Something is going on inside of me and I feel like I am being called. It is a feeling that I have not had since I was a very young child and a feeling I thought I would never feel when i realized I was a lesbian. I am confused and don’t know what direction to go in. i just know I HAVE to find a church and I have to do it quick!

Today was an 8.

Oh, the day. I don’t get to do this from my iPhone because it gets all screwed up. Now I am home and I can tell you it was a day. looking a new used car, hearing about my uncle getting sick. Stress, stress, stress.

Dear God, Please keep uncle Bobby. Safe. Well. Until tomorrow. With you. In the name of Your Son, Amen.

My car is dying. My uncle might be, also. One makes me stressed, the other makes me sad. We took the day off to go shopping for cars and I found a really cute little box of a car - a Chevy Aveo 5dr. Really cute. Really. Thing is it is like 8,000 and I am worried the trade in might suck. I am also worried that my note will kill me. Oh, well. I guess you roll with the punches.
I wish I could fix my uncle as easy as I can fix my car situation. I need to get to the gym and run my heart away. I need to get toy uncles side and pray for him. I need to touch him while he is still alive. I would go tonight, but they are not letting him have visitors. I need to go to church and reconnect. I need to go to yoga and lose all of this and find myself in chants. I need to cry and, honestly, I am not sure I can.

Sunday, January 2

Heading home.

Thank God for a lovely weekend. We had fun and while parts of me are not ready to return, a whole dang lot of me is! Saints game at noon and we need to bring it!



Yesterday was a 10, today is a 9.

It’s a nine today because the kidlets have to go off to school and I have to go off to work. Also, now that I am home I am thinking about my car again. My car has crapped out – more on that in a video later! Oh, well. Back to life, back to reality… Until homeschooling and new vehicles are my reality!

Saturday, January 1

Making up for the sticky bun breakfast...

Trying to undo the damage of a sticky bun breakfast I decided to go lower points (that would be Momentum points) for my pizza lunch. I made myself two BagelThin pizzas and all together they came to 5 points each. Yum!



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