Little FAT Me

I work full time and I barely have time to breathe. In 2005 hurricane Katrina rearranged my life, since then I have gained roughly 80-90 pounds. I believe that it started in depression and became an addiction. I have started and failed many diets and then decided that MAYBE if I combine diet and exercise with blogging and shopping I might be able to find success. This is the story of 2010 and my struggle to rise above addiction, pain, depression and fat.
My photo
30. Mother. Wife. Artist. Psychic (sensitive.) Writer. Singer. Rain dancer. Lover. Daughter. Sister. Child of God.

The road to MY PERSONAL goal BMI/weight!

Monday, May 31

A 4 point late night snack. I had to!

Oh, it's a hard f*cking moment. Grrr.

Today's Gourmet

That "meat" thing on the plate has it's own post. Today has been rough, and hard.

A BMI doodle.

I feel it important to note that when I weighed 255 my BMI was 43.8 and at 247.6 it's more that a point lower.

Craving the sweet!

I am in love (and have been my entire life) with meringue cookies. Light, crunchy, melt-y and sugar, SUGAR! These things are like eating crunchy cotton candy - get this! The first time I did WW I was so happy to find out that these things are not just great tasting they are stupid low in points. I get a box of them at Whole Foods for 3.99. They come in several flavors which are vanilla, caramel, chocolate and lemon (sometimes there are strawberry but not often) and they are about an inch round. Ask me. Ask me how many points, come on. Well, because you asked so nicely they are 2 points for 15 cookies (14 cookies if you get caramel.) Let's review, please: 2 points for 15 inches of AMAZING cookie! I know. Shut up!

Sunday, May 30

Today's Gourmet

Today we grilled for a friend from work and her daughter named Anya. That is a fun little fact for anyone who knows me, personally. Anywho, we slept in until eleven thirty, no sh*t. So we didn't have breakfast, we went straight to lunch. I kept good control. I think I am still high on the loss of over seven pounds.

Plate licker.

Such a good snack/mini-meal! This has got to be my fav right now. You might notice my cereal bowl is the kind with the built in straw and let me tell you why, my internet lovies! Because I am a plate licking, milk drinking fool these days. Those are points I am using and I am getting every last drop of that yummy PureAlmond. I use one strawberry so that is 0 points, one cup of the cereal is two points and one cup of the milk is one. It's one of my happy moments and I don't mind paying three points for it, sometimes twice a day!

Shopping!

BigLots! Baby! We hit up the food section for an assortment of fun pastas and sauces and snacks - point finder worked extra hard! Just the other day the GoB said she wanted to try Dance Dance Revolution but didn't like the idea of investing an ass load of money and then BAM we see it in the Lot of Big for less than sixteen dollars. Awesome. I also scored some random books for fifty cents a piece, making them less than the seventy-fie cent books I scooped up at the world's raunchiest thrift store. (Truly!)
My mother has been having foot trouble that only a nice pair of wedges can soothe (I know, princess feet!) So when the GoB found name brand Crocs wedges we snatched those for ten dollars and MiMi is happy!
We scooped up a salad spinner because the GoB was just saying that she wanted one and we got to use it already. Yep, today we had a friend from work over and we had lettuce for our burgers. We also had salads for dinner. None of that got captured in picture, however. I had an off day, we slept well past eleven and entertained all day until late afternoon.

Saturday, May 29

Today's Gourmet

Today was a unique day. Without kids in the house to hang out with we spent the day together. I went to my A-mazing meeting and then we had a FAB breakfast of - wait for it - OMG scrambled eggs and fried green tomatoes. Only, get this, they were not fried they were shaked and baked! (My idea, thank me very much!) They were so good that GoB thought they were too rich for a breakfast. They would have rolled with a roumalade sauce, I will have to look into a low point sauce for them. They made me think outside of the box even more, like eggplant parm and other things. So delicious. Also, I cooked white asparagus which are supposed to be just like greet but kept underground and therefore white - not so, they are "meaty-er" and they are sweet tasting. Still good, just strange-ish.

Point free treat.

I told myself if I did well I got a point free snack. Don't get me wrong I tossed the idea of Taco Bell around a lot. In the end I went the not TOO bad route of - snow ball. Yum!

Weekly Meeting

So today I took myself to the meeting with little more spring in my step than last week. I was excited about hitting the meeting BUT I was not happy about getting out of bed. My body ached, which sucks extra because I was so light and carefree in the pool yesterday. I can't wait to go back! I also stayed up until 3:45 Friday morning working so I wanted to stay in bed more than normal! When I got dressed this morning I made sure that I wore a similar outfit to last week - the same kind of sweats and a tee, I did switch to sandals but I left them on. My scale at home (the same on that last week said I was 251 when WW said I was 255) said that I had lost 5.4 pounds, so I was happy to step up to the plate. Girl, two things - my scale is effed up and I LOST 7.6 FATHER F*CKING POUNDS - B*TCHES! I was so happy I came home and I swear to you - I exercised! 21 minutes of biking. I think it was pretty easy so I am going to do it again this afternoon.

Friday, May 28

Little Tokyo ♥ ~ Today's Gourmet

Tonight we went to eat at a fabu little place that serves both sushi (I love) and hibachi, which I had never done. It was a really fun show and the food was great, a little hard to track point wise, because I wasn't able to measure everything. So as I figured it it went like this: Clear soup, should be 0 (I charged myself 1); house salad, 0 (1); assorted veggies 0 (2); 1/2 cup shrimp, 1 (2); 1/2 cup lobster, 1 (2); 8 medium scallops, 2 (4); noodles, 5 (3); steamed rice, 2 (2). I added points for the cooking in oil and butter. The seafood was divine and the noodles are good, however everything is cooked in the same butter mix with the same seasoning so it all has the same taste. Gets a wee bit overwhelming at some points. I only ate half of my noodles and half my rice. It was a great time, not something I will crave, which at this point, let's face it, that's a good thing! (Neat little salad dressing trick is to dip your fork in the dressing just a touch so that every bite has flavor, this is why my salad was 1 instead of 0, BTW. Also, if for you the salad is all about the dressing because you don't like the taste of salad try different types, they really do taste different and some are good.)

Rewards ~ and the Rewarded!

I recently read a sweet blog called But You Have Such A Pretty Face and the writer had her weight loss rewards posted. I have talked about rewards. I am going to shop. I feel a bit guilty of that because I am spending money on WW after all, but I have a wonderful partner (GoB) and she has been adamant that I do go to WW that I spend money on myself and that I reward, reward, reward. With that in mind I post this link to the bag that I will have as part of my 100 pound weight loss celebration. (I tried to pilfer a picture but they go that locked up like the good stuff!) I dare not say it will be my 50 pound reward AND I kid you not when I lose 100 pound I will be a NUT and the credit cards will feel my love!
Seriously, though, I think that this is the real deal and I am happy that I feel like I have a say. I have decided that as long as I am going to WW and doing well I am going to get pedicures as often as I feel I need to. (At least until I am skinny enough to comfortably paint my own toes. Even then, maybe!) Because at WW you take your shoes off to jump on the scale and I so do not want my Shrek feet scaring off the other ladies! You dig?
So what's your carrot? (The thing you dangle in front your face to get things done.) Your reward, and when do you get it?
It's this bag only in HOT pink! LOVE is right!

Thursday, May 27

Today's Gourmet

Actually, today didn't give us much in the gourmet arena. I did make a pretty good egg salad, those pictures will be included in a post about Greek yogurt next Wednesday, the 3rd.

Home vs. Work - Round One

I was talking to a very dear friend of mine, a lifer (you might say as we've been amazing friends for over ten years now,) and I was expressing how I believe that being home all day is actually better for my WW effort than being at work. That used to be reversed.See the first time I WW I was young and lived with an asshole who told me that everything I did was shit. If I drew a picture, he could have done it better. If I cooked a meal, it tasted like feet. Real jerk, but love is nothing if not tolerant (especially young, stupid, blind, desperate love.) Anyway, I went to the store and bought up frozen dinners and ate boiled eggs. I worked out and kept busy. At home, just sitting, I ate.
Now, I am older and with a new partner who, while not completely asshole free, is amazing at being super supportive and kind and she encouraged me to cook again a couple of years ago. I had asked her to make a pizza for me from a recipe that I had found in a Rachael Ray cook book. She said, "Just go to the store, buy what it says and follow the directions." I did, and it was the first of many A-mazing pizzas I now cook. Only over time I learned to trust myself, switch things up - follow flavor instinct. I cook things from recipes and from my own thoughts. I am an awesome cook! Proof:Back to the point, you say. Well, alright then, I answer, the point is that now that I can cook and I like cooking it is easier to be home and cook good, healthy, low point meals. On a weekend I eat at home and I eat things that taste and look like they are coming from a restaurant. But running around all day and I eat crappy snacks and a a quick lunch (which has been amazing sandwich but still!) I just wish I had more time to prepare my food, and be with my kids, and sleep and - well, pretty much live!

Give them to me. Now.

Maybe it's too soon, BUT I want my key chain and my charms. I can't wait for star stickers. I am SO in mental grade school right now!

Wednesday, May 26

Today's Gourmet

You have NO idea how happy I am. I actually snacked on CELLERY and 5 grapes! Post Katrina world has the Bell again, how wonderful.

Water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink.

We have a water cooler in the lunch room. I have a SUBZERO Stainless Steel water bottle on my desk. I have not drank any thing today and I know that's not going to help me any! Literally - hold on - less than a minute and roughly 45-50 steps. I am a lazy fattie, I guess that is why I am the way I am.

Thank you, I know, I rock!

So, I got a little fancy with the duck tape the other night and I covered my WW points tracker/calculator/weigh in booklet. It really turned out great and it has benefits. What I didn't know at the time was that this little bookie is to last a year and two weeks. (Back note: Paying the price of weekly meetings this book would cost me - $636; if i switched to a monthly pass it would be - roughly $529. Guess who is switching that shit!) So it's good that I taped him all up! Yay! I want to work on a label and such, but right now I am enjoying the lovely gray/silver of the tape of duck. I am also trying to decide if I need to keep it clean and simple so that my stickers can go on the cover or if I just want to keep the stickers on my outside outer clear baggie keeper thing. (Back note: GoB's little orange capped head in the back ground! So sweet!) Below is what the above used to look like.GRRR!!! On another fucking back note: I fucking hate blogging from work - I can not make this POS computer load father fucking pictures for the life! Ahrgrrah! (That was the insanely animalistic rawr of aggravation I am feeling at this point. BTW.) Stupid work computers! And, I KNOW, I am at work but part of being a good worker is being a happy worker and blogging makes me happy.

Tuesday, May 25

Today's Gourmet

Brought to you from my cell phone, which seems to be working. Yay!

I dumped the Slush Puppie!

I so have ADHD - like, for the real. and sometimes it is WAY more apparent than others! BTW - I know that for some reason I referred to the goddess of butch as queen for some reason. No, for no reason other than being a bit more than a bit distracted! :)

Yes, I said that. Ewww!

My tum-tum is so empty. Eating that egg was like tossing a hot dog down a hall way!

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I am hung-RAY!

It's like 7 points and I am going to have to work to chew and not inhale these fa'fo foods as soon as they tell me to go get clothed!

Fasting.

Need I tell you I am in a foul mood. I ate ice right down to the wire last night and I couldn't sleep for the thought that I would forget my test and eat while making the kids lunch! I can't eat until after my ultrasound (no baby on board, it's to get a picture of my little fat liver) at 10:30. So I ate dinner at 5:30pm last night, and my last snack at 9:30pm and I don't get to eat again until after my 10:30am appointment that could very well not be done until noon. I am going fucking insane.

On a side note:

(Like what the hell is that crap? "On a side note." As apposed to what? A front note? A back note?) That's what we are going with, you and I, from now on. Or, until I forget.
On a back note: the little fish at the bottom are real fun to feed, but they seem a bit lackadaisical. Not a true representation of what fatties like myself would really be like if we lived in a pool and were waiting for some dear stranger to find our small piece of cyber-whatnot and throw a bit of snack in just for the fun of it. However, if you take a moment and let them settle and then drop just one teeny bit in - they turn to tiny orcas and kill like only two kinds of women can. The first, a bunch of us foodies after a week of healthy eating, and the second, a group of forty-something year old single women at a friends wedding right after the bride pitches that POS crappy your-just-going-to-pitch-it bouquet over her head.
It's sad and a wee bit hilarious. Have fun!

For the record:

I would like it known that while I do play with how I write things such as "realz" and "ba-nono" or "ass-paragas" I do know how to speak and to write literately. My spelling often leaves more to be desired, however I am a fan of spell check. I am a mother and I don't regularly say cuss words at the diner table. (I admit to the occasional slip, where you slap your forehead and say a no-no word.)
We are adults and this, though, is my blog and it's about a very serious subject. I am a food addict and I am really working hard this time. My blog allows me to make fun, be stupid, forget the motherly responsibility and just take a light hearted, sometimes foul mouthed, often obsessive approach to the fight of my life - for my life.
I have been a blogger for years, and I have blogged some very serious issues in my life. I blogged the journey of discovery that led to coming out as a lesbian to my family and friends. I blogged my heartache as I struggled in the months and years after Katrina. I blogged one of the most horrendous breakups and the most emotionally unstable time of my life. In those times my family and friends were the only thing more important than my blogs, my blogs were my emotional outlet. I have no idea why I didn't think to use such a powerful tool in my fight against addiction, ill health and obesity, but I am glad I am now. Blogging my WW weight loss journey has led me to finding other really amazing bloggers putting up the good fight and I have found their stories inspirational and truly amazing.
So, if my french offends I truly don't mean it to, it's just my way.

Monday, May 24

Today's Gourmet

I didn't take many pictures today, half because it was an uneventful day and half because the dinner - while good - was not pretty! I forgot my eggs this morning and as I did not blog my first time around on WW I will now blog my feeling on eggs: Eggs are a small and perfect bundle of vitamins and protein. They are the perfect snack, come complete in their own container. A container that is biodegradable and has no harmful effects on our earth. They stick with you and provide energy. They can be tasty, easily seasoned with salt, pepper, or Zatarain's seasoning mix. (Also, Nature's Seasoning which I used think of as universal and put on EVERYTHING before I learned to trust my flavor sense more. Thank you, GoB.) They add great filler in salads, sandwiches (not my fav egg) and a million other ways! Boiled eggs have a long shelf life and travel easily. They are just 2 points ~ but compared to a granola bar those 2 point last and really fill. Yolk-less eggs are zero points and while this does diminish some of the eggs amazing healthiness and taste it is easily fixed by eating one yolk in the company of multiple white partners.
Anywho, I forgot my eggs at home and therefore my breakfast was Ovaltine (which does not have a hyphen despite what Word will insist) and a sad little Laughing Cow Light cheese round (only ONE point, I am now laughing with the cow!) Not worth snapping! The taco salad I made for diner was great but - NOT pretty!

BTW - I can not believe this is the first time the blog has mentioned multiple partners; guess my ho-card is expired. ;)

Dear, sweet Fudge ~ Please be gone by the I time return. Take your things and do not try to call me. Sadly, Little FAT Me

I spent the weekend thinking about how I would handle the pre-WW snacks I had filling my desk and, with the exception of the Kibler's Chocolate Chip Coconut cookies that HAD to be pitched because with them I am weak and pathetic, I did quite well. My peanut butter fudge is a mere 3 points a piece and so I indulged with one square. My White Cheddar Cheetos are 4 point for 32. I didn't do it today but that's nice to know!

7 minutes.

Today at work that's how long it took me to eat my MOST FAB of fabulous sandwich, and my ba-nono. And drink 12oz. of water. Like, for realz. That leaves me with what? Like 23 minutes to which to try not to go back to the fudge box and eat the rest. (Only three pieces left it would cost 9 points. Hmmm. NO! No, no, no, no, NO! Why do you do this to us?!?) BTW, I so chewed like 20-something times. 32 is way to much, by that time the food is a dreary food smoothie and smoothies are one time when fruit is way better than cheese. Hello?

I knew this time was different.

Seriously, I have a few reasons why and it goes beyond how this time started. I dreamed, DREAMED, about point tracking. I was all running around in my dream and I had my most fav blue pen, only it wrote black, and my points tracker. If it gets into your dreams - I mean that's your subconscious screaming, "I'm ready!" Right? Right!
Then, oh my, I have a theme song. It's to Eminem's Shaddy's Back song, "Fat is back, back again..." I KNOW, how cool is that. (Even if it is painfully unoriginal!)

Sunday, May 23

Today's Gourmet

So, today I called and recruited my aun-T (hey, that's funny because her name starts with T and so she is my auntie and my Aunt T.) AnyletseatchocolateIwon'ttellifyoudon'tway, she is going to be doing WW with me, only last time we did this shit we weighed in once and then both gave up health in the name of the good shit - and I ain't talkin' the crack, child. So hopefully I will have will when she has power and vice-versa or some shit.
Today was also harder than yesterday for two really good reasons: 1. I didn't take a four hour nap mid day so I was left fighting the likes of Choc-o-late and Eat-til-yo-face-explode for four more hours than yesterday. That sucks. Yeah, I know. 2. I didn't have fast food so I wound up with like seven points to still use after dinner. Would be great BUT it's hard to find something that is healthy and seven points. That's how the Rice Crispy treat before bath time and the milk with strawberries and pudding after happened. I KNOW!
Also, a rice crispy treat, ass-paragus and another turkey burger (one was lunch, the other dinner.) Ooh, and a Skinny Cow cone! Hells to the YEAH!

The Skinny Cow

This brand makes the most A-mazing ice cream snacks for fatties! I kid you not you will be all like, "Shut up, this shit is low cal!" (To which I would be all, "No you STFU! Low cal is the new SoCal." Then you would give me some strange look, like strange looks is all new to me and then we would eat more ice cream and both be happy!)

Saturday, May 22

Today's Gourmet (and final thoughts.)

Well, today was good. Different than the start of most of my "diets" because I wasn't all hells-to-the-yeah-I-am-going-to-rock-this-shit into it like I usually start "diets" off. No, today I didn't want to get out of bed, at the meeting (at first) I sat there pissed. I came home and grudgingly ate a healthy breakfast. Only, through the day it got easier and funner and better! So maybe it's a good thing. I feel like I over came that two weeks of being good point already. If I can make it through tomorrow at home I should be pretty good. I am going to have a Skinny Cow ice cream for two points and finish today out at 32 point. YAY!
Already missed a second granola bar and the turkey burger I had for dinner!

Food pictures!

I did some thinking and to keep myself from snacking and forgetting I am going to TRY to take a picture of everything I eat and post it along with overall thoughts on the day. It will probably not be perfect but it will be fun!

Weekly Meeting (The first of MANY...)

I did it hookers, I took myself on a date this morning. I took the mees (that is plural me, btw) to Weight Watchers and the scale of bullshit, I mean doom, said that I am a bountiful and voluptuous beauty who might weigh in at 168 (or 255.) Fuck you it's 255 and you bloody well fucking know it! Oh, holy hell - I am off to groceries make!

Friday, May 21

Going out with a bang!

Tonight my love-r, the goddess of butch (or, for us who text she will also be known as the GoB) made me home made benieghs with the BEST KIND OF SUGAR IN THE HUMAN WORLD ~ powder. Uh, it is so important to state "human world" I mean hello, I bet that aliens have kick ass sugar, like space sugar!

Ice.

(Not the drug kind. I am not even sure what that kind of drug is.)
Yeah, my ice smells funky, need to clean the freezer. TONIGHT! Crushed ice is a MUST! Also, I did a bit of figurin' out and a full glass of crushed ice is roughly 9-10 ounces of water! Yup, yup!

No, you shut up!

Oh, EVERYONE shut the fuck up!
Great, now there is too much silence in my head. :/
So, I went to KFC tonight and got the goddess of butch a bucket-o-grilled and got the lil'Einstien a small popped and for me, you are so kind as to ask my little love-ies. I said my great and dramatic goodbye to food and all thing I love with a #7 - the variety box of epic-ness and, um, variety? So now I am noshing all night on my KFucksocksC and dreading the morning when I will take my Little FAT ass and park it on a Weight Watchers chair. That's right, I surrender. I giveth the fuck up and admit that I, the great and powerful FAT (please ignore that girl blogging behind the curtain) need help.

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