Little FAT Me

I work full time and I barely have time to breathe. In 2005 hurricane Katrina rearranged my life, since then I have gained roughly 80-90 pounds. I believe that it started in depression and became an addiction. I have started and failed many diets and then decided that MAYBE if I combine diet and exercise with blogging and shopping I might be able to find success. This is the story of 2010 and my struggle to rise above addiction, pain, depression and fat.
My photo
30. Mother. Wife. Artist. Psychic (sensitive.) Writer. Singer. Rain dancer. Lover. Daughter. Sister. Child of God.

The road to MY PERSONAL goal BMI/weight!

Saturday, July 31

Week 11

Down, with new desire and a happy new thought process. Officially I am down 26.9, I want a big week. I will be happy with any weight loss. I am going to try, again, to stay off the scale and I am going to wear my weigh in clothes next week. Think week I had to wear pants.

Wednesday, July 28

I found my motivation.

I think I had let it get a little lost. Like, if motivation was made of marbles and you drop a few here or leave a few there. At first I didn’t notice any missing but then over the last few weeks I looked into my bag and found almost no motivational marbles to play with. Had to go through and figure out where I dropped them, or, in this case, I found all new ones. Going through photos. It wasn’t so much what I used to look like, though that was nice, it was more how I felt and how I was and who I was. I want her back, I want me. I feel dedicated in a whole new way. Yay!

Tuesday, July 27

Today's Gourmet (Missed me?)

Eating better just re-became a HUGE priority. Now that I have the new lappy (it’s own post coming) I have no excuse! I must blog, I now can blog, I WILL blog. So you guys get to see all the food I nosh on. Yeah! I started today by stealing two wheat Eggo waffles from GoB, only three points and so yummy! She also had sugar free syrup and at no fat and calories it was a free sweet! F-R-E-E that spells free, free syrup on my breakfast, baby! Sorry - on with the post. I hit up the grocer for lunch, GoB is out “sick” so I took myself out and about for sushi. Let me add here, because here is where it is relevant, that I ♥ me some wasabi. Though now it is burning my tum-tum pretty bad. I used to hate it, even if it wasn’t on my sushi if it was near it I would have a pout fit. Now, I love for it to burn my freaking face off. Anyhotlikewasabiway, while out I picked up some fun for snacking rice cakes in chocolate and popcorn. I know. Best part is, on the chocolate they have little hidden bits of real chocolate that melt in yo’ mouth. I swear. I know that the GoB read that putting puffed rice in your belly is like releasing Godzilla on Tokyo, but dang that sh*t is good! Okay, Fable just came back from break with WW brand fudge pops. Like JUST just came in and these fafo fudge pops are A-mazing! Creamy deliciousness! Only a few moments later I was dying for something salty and I had a popcorn rice cake. Um, yes. At 35 calories I will have that - a lot. At home GoB grilled (on our new grill, another post) some burgers that were not turkey so they were 5 points a bit. I had two, officially and one from bonus points. I TOLD YOU IT WAS A BAD FOOD WEEK! I am a bit worried, but hopeful!

Sunday, July 25

One down!

I did it. I lost 25 pounds. (25.7 to be exact.) So here is the little fish from down below, just swimming off into the sea of NotOnThisBelly. Beautiful, huh? Bye little fishy.

Saturday, July 24

BMI - getting lower!

Well, as I said I would, I have updated BMI girl to reflect my new, 10% less me, number. My new goal is to lose 23 pounds (10% of me now) and I will post an update on my BMI once I hit that. I am hoping for another 10 weeks or less. I am proud and a little wary. I know it will be hard, but it has been hard and I have been sticking through. :)

Weekly Meeting

Friday, July 23

Seriously guys, hang in!

I am sorry for the lack of interesting post. Or, more like, the lack of post all together! I have a lot lined up and me and the GoB are working to make this a smooth operation where I can achieve everything I need to be strong and beat the weight!

Thursday, July 22

I did it.

I can’t believe I did it, but I did. Oh, my. A month. I truly am a different person than I was a month ago. I feel better, though admittedly not today, I feel better and like I can make the biggest change I ever have.
This goal – I complete. I am crying as I write that. Wow.

I just don't know.

I am working out, but then I lose the blog time. Blogging REALLY helps me stay focused and I feel like I am falling without time to blog. I have not upload my daily foods, I have not found inspiration. I feel like I am lost.

Wednesday, July 21

Days of Gourmet - the meals.

Oh, I can cook. Then there are times when experiments go - wrong. Capital W - Wrong. the linguine casserole was one of them, but I am not giving up. I know how to make it better, and I am going to try again in a week or so when my dear GoB forgets this mess!
Just discovered that potatoes are not so bad, infact they are a limitless filling food. OMG I rocked some fries yesterday - it's coming! Now when I want something low point I use a small potato - 1 point, a table spoon of Ricotta, 0 points and a half cup of pasta sauce - 1 point. I know! SO yum!

Tea time!

One of the things I like to do is sip tea. I love it (not nearly as much as the GoB does.) I like to seep it in my little metal strain-y ball looking thing. It opens like a claw and it is so fun! When I saw this I thought, "I want!" Because it would be fun, and it reminds me of my mother.

Tuesday, July 20

I can't quite figure it out.

I know from my first round of WW that not meeting your points will make you stop losing. I am eating, and eating well. Still, I have not reached my point the past few days. I wind up with three to five. I think, “Wow, I can have a snack.” Only then I worry that having a point filled snack is not really helping. What do you guys think is better? Be low on points or eat junk to reach points?

My Tracker died. :(

I duct taped my tracker, as you may know. Well, not good enough! It fell apart at the seem. It's all good though, I sewed it back in. I know, I know. Crafty little bimbo, I am!

OMG - start saying goodbye!

I just realized that since I am at 24.1 lost I am only .9 away from removing my first little black fish!
Say goodbye! Feed them lost, 'cause one of them is out of here!

Monday, July 19

Love - LOVE - walking!

I love walking with G. She makes the time fly by! BTW – I used my new shoes today for the first time. I had worn them out shopping and around the house, but that’s when all shoes are alright. They were awesome! In fact I didn’t even think of the fact that I was wearing them until I got home and changed into my fitness flops! So excited!

Days of Gourmet - the snacks.

Well, if you stopped by over the last week you might have noticed that I wasn't around much. I can admit it: I was BARELY holding it down! I did eat well, and despite feeling like crap I made myself move in some exercise way three times!
To be honest, which I strive hard for here and in my life, I was crazy on a few days. I didn't feel like blogging or being happy. I wanted to eat - EVERYTHING! My lovely GoB went out of her way to make sure I had some lovely snacks and that is what this particular catch up post is about - the snacks!
Always happy to dine on any kind of sashimi - I love, love, love this as a small snack. Often I think, "Oh, I will make myself a plate and then eat later." But that later meal never happens because I am satisfied. I recently started eating kind of a lot of cauliflower - it is an awesome snack for the days when you need to crunch and really feel like you are eating. Kiwi - I doubt I even need to say why I love this fruit - AWE-some. Just watch out each Kiwi is one point, unless you count it as filling, then it is 2 for an unlimited amount. Fun!
Finally, GoB made this lovely little dish at work. It is grape tomatoes and a half a round of Laughing Cow cheese! Yum - 0 points (actually .5, so be careful there.)

Saturday, July 17

Weekly Meeting

Total loss: 24.1

Grrrr...

Last weeks meeting...

Friday, July 16

Today's Gourmet

I took pictures today, but due to my card reader being BUSTED I am unable to upload. I am counting this goal as done over on 43Things. I am also buying a new card reader while I am out in the world tomorrow - so I will post them then!

Thursday, July 15

Today's Gourmet

Today was WAY better than yesterday!
I love my new cereal! It's some kind of Fiber one and a half cup it 0 points - I eat a whole cup for 1 point with a cup of 0% milk for 2 points and I am Fah-ull! Love! GoB love me the most-est! So she, knowing what a hard time I had yesterday, took me to the store to get a bunch of zero point foods! Yay!
I am also making my lunch sandwich on wheat English muffins, OH SO YUM! I also picked up some WW choc-o-lates! GoB is holding them and I told her to only give me one a day - and then I stole one on my way out! Shhh.
I made twice baked potatoes for diner and I topped them with skim milk ricotta and sauteed shrimp with SmartBlend or SmartBalance or something type butter! So good!

Yesterday I binged.

I fell off the wagon. The people who love me want to say, “Oh, you are allowed a slip.” or, “One day wont hurt.” or, “But, you did it in a healthy way!” True, true and true. Only not.
I have a food addiction. I am addicted to food.
I am allowed a slip up on my new food plan (I don’t like the word diet because that really is not what it is – more on that later.) I am not allowed a slip up on my recovery. Here, in my mind, is the difference: a slip up on my food plan would be me saying to myself that I really wanted chocolate cake, then finding a way to either reward good behavior with that cake or work it into my daily points. A slip up in recovery is when I am emotionally reaching for any food (cake in this example) and eating way too much of it, without feeling satisfied by the food, but instead finding momentary satisfaction in the act of the binge. The repeating the behavior again and again in one sitting, or several sittings.
One day can and WILL hurt me, if I let it. One day is like a alcoholic going to the bar just for one evening. It might not be the undoing that time, but it leads to false security. One day turns into two or three and that is dangerous.
There is no healthy way to indulge an addiction. The addiction itself is unhealthy! Sure I ate pretzels and Olean chips and other low point foods, in fact when speaking in point terms I didn’t go overboard. I used my daily points and ten of my reserve points. That isn’t what defines yesterday as a problem, it’s how I reached those points. Swallowing was the high, stuffing myself to the point of self-hatred and shame. Binge eating to the point that I came home and lied on the couch listing the reasons I suck in my mind. Beating myself for being fat and lazy and ugly and stupid. I am not ugly. I am NOT stupid. I can be lazy, but I can also work very hard. I am fat, I am also changing that.
Yesterday I pressed reset on my recovery. Thank God I am not letting myself do the full slide. Today I start over. I am renewed and ready. Today I am breathing and taking it for what it was.

Wednesday, July 14

Boys beware: TMI about to be shared here!

Over there on the WW web where they talk about losing the first 10% of your body weight they have a whole list of reasons this is good for you. They go like this:
A Healthier Heart
By losing just 10 percent of your body weight, you can lower your cholesterol and reduce your blood pressure, says G. Ken Goodrick, PhD, psychologist and associate professor of medicine at Baylor College of Medicine in Houston, Texas. High cholesterol and elevated blood pressure are two major risk factors for heart disease.

Lower Risk of Type 2 Diabetes
If you’re overweight, you’re at increased risk for type 2 diabetes, which means your body can’t make enough, or properly use, insulin, a hormone that helps convert food to usable energy. By losing just 10 percent of your body weight, you’ll improve your body’s ability to use the insulin it makes, possibly preventing the onset of the disease, Miller-Kovach says. If you already have type 2 diabetes, shedding that 10 percent may improve your symptoms and possibly prevent complications, she adds.

More Pep
“Just a 10 percent weight loss increases feelings of vigor and vitality,” says Miller-Kovach. “You’ll feel better and have more energy.”

A Mental Edge
Losing 10 percent can give you the self-confidence and motivation you need to keep going. “Success builds on success,” says Miller-Kovach. But be sure you recognize it. “Losing 10 percent is a milestone in the journey,” says Miller-Kovach. “Once you get there, take the time to congratulate yourself on your efforts.”

Reality Check
After losing 10 percent, you gain a sense of what it will take to lose the rest and reach your final goal weight. “It gives you a context in terms of saying, ‘Am I willing to put in that much more effort to lose even more weight?’” Miller-Kovach says. If the answer is no, that’s okay. “Some people only lose 10 percent and that’s it,” says Goodrick. If that’s you, pat yourself on the back. “Health-wise, a 10-percent weight loss is a great achievement,” Goodrick says.”

Hmmm, a good start equals elongated success? True, I will bite. I want to talk about something different. I had not had a period in over six months and I was told that I was probably so heavy I would not have periods until I got healthy.
I am about 5.9 pounds from my first 10% and I started my period two days ago. Wow, I really am changing my body!

Tuesday, July 13

Today's Gourmet

Hmmm, today I just don;t feel much like blogging. My hands hurt - really bad and I am overly tired. I did MAKE myself bike and I am proud of that. As far as the food eaten today, it is A LOT like that noshed on yesterday. That is for several reasons. Yesterday was a good food day for me. I didn't feel overly hungry and I was okay. I am about to share was I myself consider TMI, but I got my first period of the year and I am feeling hoongry! I think that this on coming body issue is what has made me need to snack more and more and possible could have helped with the gain of 0.2. Not that it was not my fault, just that that did not help! My lasagna (that I have a diffent name for, La'Sonya - inside joke) was even better today!

R.I.P.

Sam, actually Sam II, has passed away. I called customer service and while doing the reboot he took a turn for the worse. I cried. I feel like crying now. My glasses will come and there will be no Sam. The man who helped was nice and said he would see what he could do about a replacement. Deep breath. Who am I without Sam? What is a girl to do without her books at her finger tips?

What's in your? Omelet Edition.

Good morning!
Omelet's can be so fun! This 4 point bad boy is made of egg whites, shrimp, cheese and salsa! So yummy!

Monday, July 12

Today's Gourmet

Shout out to Colleen! C not K! Taking the time out of her day to gawk at my blog! ;) Usually this post is fun, but tonight it blew because of the phone picture issue!
Today's pictures start out a little crappy due to the fact that I forgot my camera at home and was forced to use my cell. My cell is crap, I want my IPhone - WAH!!! BOO!! CRAP! (I am a bit moody, sorry.) I had clementines for breakfast, I like to use low points in the morning so I can snack and have points later! We are missing two pictures that I know I took - stupid phone! At this point I might scream, the pictures are all hella out of order. I baked La'Sonya for dinner, all low fat cheeses and sauce and loads of veggies. I can not wait to have it again!

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