Little FAT Me

I work full time and I barely have time to breathe. In 2005 hurricane Katrina rearranged my life, since then I have gained roughly 80-90 pounds. I believe that it started in depression and became an addiction. I have started and failed many diets and then decided that MAYBE if I combine diet and exercise with blogging and shopping I might be able to find success. This is the story of 2010 and my struggle to rise above addiction, pain, depression and fat.
My photo
30. Mother. Wife. Artist. Psychic (sensitive.) Writer. Singer. Rain dancer. Lover. Daughter. Sister. Child of God.

The road to MY PERSONAL goal BMI/weight!

Friday, December 31

Oh, my!

Girls (and boys, if there are any that read this blog) let me tell you... I am, once again, pointing everything. Still, this is a glutton's weekend. I had said to myself, "Look, Fat, people always talk of the ONE time a year they go crazy, well this is yours." Then I weighed in and I am in the 180s and I just want to get better and better. Still, this was breakfast:



Today is a 10.

I so happy to be with my whole little fam! I would like nothing more than to live me life this way!

Weight Watchers (Wk 33)

This is a little different. I uploaded a video, but as I am using all mobil posting I can't go get it and put it here. I did weigh in yesterday and it was a good loss. 4.4 pounds. I don't think it was all this week. I think that that number is a reflection of hard work that had not shown up on the scale for various reasons.
My weight now: 188.8! I am so happy!

Thursday, December 30

Today is a 10!

Kids – with me! Vacation – starts tomorrow! Three days of family time and ♥! Yay! My babies are here and we have to run to WW to weigh in. I am a teeny bit bummed that I will not have a meeting this week, after all I have to be back to work RIGHT after weigh in and then I have things to do after work so I will not be able to do the evening meeting. I am a bit tense over the weigh in also, because this morning my new scale, who has been pretty good and not being TOO wild with the swinging back and forth, blinked up at me and said, “188.8!” Yesterday it said, “189.5!” So I am thinking it is on the right track! Now, of course my WW weight will not be that low, after all that was my pant less and braless weight! (Could you also say shameless and classless? Probably.) :)

Wednesday, December 29

December Challenge: Week 4, # 3

OMG! You guys, I had the best run today. I had the kids and they LOVED playing at the gym and I loved working out with them there! It was the first REAL GOOD run since last week! Awesome!
Nari – THANK YOU – for understanding just HOW important football is! ;)

Today is a 10!

Kids home with me? Check!
Stomach bug clearing up? Check! (Seriously, I thought I was out for the count, but I seem better.)
Gym trip? Check!
Zoo? Possible!
Making candy rings? Probable!
Helping Be? Check!
Woot! Woo!

Tuesday, December 28

December Challenge: Week 4, # 2

So I was all set to have dinner on the table and hit the gym as soon as my Be got home, but no. That was not the master plan! Sunday Night Football is on TONIGHT, for the first time since 1946 SNF is on Tuesday! So I hit the tried and trusted bike for a solid 30 minutes!

December Challenge: Week 4, # 1

(Yesterday!)
Yoga! Yes, it counts. Oh let me tell you how it counts! I stretched, I strained, I shook and I overcame! Yay! I am ‘having my moment’ and it feels like it has been with me FOREVER, working out with the cramps I had was not an option, so I Adviled up and I went for yoga! Yay!

Today is a 9.

Would be a 10 – but to be honest I have not been eating the BEST, best. In my brain I am pretty sure this is due to several things. Ready? (Okay!) (Sorry, it was a throwback to a brief moment where I might have been a cheerleader!)
1) The holiday season has brought a lot of good foods. While I HAVE NOT indulged at every moment or in the really unhealthy things, I have indulged and counted points.
2) My shifting plans, and then shifting again – rough!
3) My meetings being all screwed up because my Saturday meeting is all discombobulated!

So, while I wanted to lose five pounds – I will be glad to lose, just keep losing… just keep losing… losing… losing… losing… (Whoops, that was a Nemo moment.) :)

Monday, December 27

Having a "It is COLD!" nerd day!





I can't believe it.

I actually like to get dressed up for things. Usually I hate going anywhere. Just this year it was a sad event. Nothing fit and trying on was no fun. Now, I'm in the 190's, FAR cry from where I want to be and yet shopping and dressing up are so much more fun! I can't even think of how fun it will be after I am smaller and tummy tucked and everything.



Yesterday - 9. Today - 7.

Let’s start with yesterday: great day, only mom took MoMo off for a while and then for a sleep over and I missed her. I did get a nap in, but still. I did not get a work out in.
Today: I did not go to sleep until 4 ish, and I am sleepy. My anxiety is a bit on edge and I feel SO SLEEPY. I can’t wait to yoga and run this afternoon, it has been like three days. Then, the football game with the fam! Yay!

Saturday, December 25

The Christmas gift that keeps on giving...

So, I am a very lucky little girl and I talk about that ALL the time. Right now, though, I am talking about the fact that my boss (who I love) loves me! So for Christmas I got a 25 dollar gift card to Barnes & Noble. Now this WOULD be amazing, but for the fact that I only read on my Kindle - I know, I know. Right not I am trying to get through a ACTUAL book that my mother passed along to me. It's good, a Jackie O. book, but I feel like a total klutz trying to deal with a real book! Anywho, I went to Barnes & Nobles website - because I am nothing if not an AMAZING on-line shopper! I stumbled along magazine subscriptions. Then I thought, "Do you even know how long it has been since I had a good mag?" I used to pick up the gossip rags, but that information is free and available faster on-line. I used to read the fashion mags, but only 'cause my sister had them around. I used to read HeavyMetal, but that just isn't me anymore. So I looked around a bit and came up with these:4 Hi Fructose art magazines over the year starting in January. 12 Interview magazines monthly starting in February. 6 Complex magazines bi-monthly starting in March. 12 Philadelphia magazines starting either February or March! Yay!

Today is a 10.

The kids are having a blast! The presents are all opened and things are going well and fun! I wish everyday could be this way! :)

Friday, December 24

Today is a 9.

Good day, rough moments. I hate food, it just messes everything up.

December Challenge: Week 3, # 4

So this was technically yesterday as it is 12:56 in the morning on Christmas eve! I went to the gym, though I almost did not. I am very sore from yoga and the hard (but soooo good) run I had yesterday and still I went. After starting I knew things were different today than they have been in a long time! My legs were exploding in pain, not fibro or erythema pain, workout pain! I modified my expectations, walking at 3.8 mph and running at 4.5 mph – for five, then three, then three with walking breaks! It was nice to feel, however uncomfortable. It means that yoga really was a challenge and that it worked something not usually worked, which is always good!

Thursday, December 23

Today is an 8. (Well, maybe a 9.)

It would be a 10 if the kids were home, as they will be tomorrow! Yay! We have been sorting and prepping gifts and I can’t wait till the festivities! I am down a pound – HAPPY!

Wednesday, December 22

December Challenge: Week 3, # 3

Today was a wild day – wild. I went to a yoga class that is taught by my best-ie and she was an AMAZING leader. It kicked my ass, but I can not wait to go back! Then, on top of that insanity I went to the gym! That is right, I went to the GYM! I walked/jogged for 14-15 minutes, and I ran 15-17 minutes – A-mazing!

Today is an 8.

The wee ones are a bit better! They are having fun and hanging with Mimi. I am feeling more focused and happier. Today is a surprize sushi day because I weigh in tomorrow and not Saturday! (EEK!)

Tuesday, December 21

Exactly!

43things.com has a new (temporary) home page that EXACTLY expresses what I am always saying and the reason I YouTube and blog! Check it out:



Today is a 7.

My mom called and MoMo is coming down with a sore throat. :( Poor baby… I miss my pumpkins.

December Challenge: Week 3, # 2

I have no idea how I keep not putting these in on the day it happens. Yesterday I hit the gym and did a twee bit of running! Love sweating and working so hard!

Monday, December 20

Two 8s in a row.

Yesterday I dropped the kids off at my moms and my Mo wanted to come home. Thing is she would have to sit at work and do nothing… She was fine after I left, still I felt bad.
Today is an 8 because I am tired and frustrated with the new WW plan. I have decided to go back to the old and I feel good. I just hopw I have not damaged my momentum! Grrr…

Sunday, December 19

December Challenge: Week 3, # 1

Yesterday! What the heck is going on!
Okay – running, not as far, as fast or as long as I had been. I have a bit of pain on my shins. Still, I pushed and I got it done. 30ish minutes – I say that because my shoe came all undone and I took to long lacing it (because they HAVE to feel the same or I wig) and then the bike would not let me restart. :P Roughly 185 calories and about two miles.

Saturday, December 18

Life happens...

I went and paid eighty flippin' dollars for the GF's second biggest Christmas present and then I couldn't get it out the car. So when she got home I let her have it (so she could get it out the car) and as she stood there holding it it bust into about thirty pieces. Great!



Weekly Meeting (Wk 31)

Up. Up .6 – total loss 60.9! Not a bad number, but still a gain is hard to swallow!

Today is a 7.

I am just a bit more than a twee bit bummed over my weigh in. I am dying to get to the gym and confused by where to go from here… On the other hand I am happy the littles are home and that they get to go absorb Mimi’s love for a few days! I get to too! Yay!

Friday, December 17

Today is a 10.

The kids, while sick, are here at work with me. That makes my heart swell with happy! I am praying that I lost weight, I tried hard and made myself proud at the gym – so, hopefully!

Thursday, December 16

PointsPlus: Week 1, day 3

Food has been less than awesome because I have to work. Dinner has been the only thing I could really have fun with. Tonight I made sesame burgers. So good!

Dinner: 7 pp pts. (same as it would be on the old plan.)



KK exchange day 4

Yes, there were other days and yes, my presents have been awesome. Today the gift really rocks. I got a new, really cool, water bottle. It even had a rainbow'



What is a 5K?

I think to be ready in April I have to have a clear picture of what I am working towards. So a 5K is 5 kilometers or 3.1 miles. At this point my best “run” has been at a 13 minute mile pace for 20 minutes. Roughly 1.5 miles ran consistantly, but that was on a treadmill. I have NO idea what I am capable of outside in the real world. I have decided to spend the rest of December & January attempting to have myself run 3.1 miles. In February I will be adding and incline to stimulate outdoor running. In March I am taking this thing to the park to run laps in the real world and focusing my treadmill training on speed. April – well, that is when I try. My only actual goal is to finish, I don’t care what time or how I do it – just FINISH.

December Challenge: Week 2, # 3

Yesterday!
I joined the gym (as you might have noticed :P) and I RAN at a 13 minute mile pace for 20 minutes! With a 5 minute warm up and a 5 minute cool down! Yay! I am so happy and in love with my gym!

Today is a 7.

I am really happy about joining the gym. I am really happy with my run yesterday. I HATE that my MoMo is getting worse and not better. I hate that I can’t stay home with them! :( Boo!

How to join a gym!

"I FLIPPING LOVE my gym!"

How I did it:

Well, I was too freaked to go myself so I got Be, my GF, to go with one day when we didn't have the kids. We just walked in and expected to pay like five bucks to use the gym for a day, but come to find out they (and most gyms) give away free trials so we signed up! over the next ten days I went as often as I could and decided that I wanted to join. Only Be wanted me to try other gyms and make sure I liked that one the best. I went to another local gym and hated it! I hated the layout, the clicks, the whole energy and I felt like I might cry. I came home and said, "Thank God I did not go there first, because i would never have gone to another!"
Moral of that story: CHECK OUT MORE THAN ONE!!!! Because while they all have buff gym bunnies who may be a little intimidating at first, there are nice people willing to help at some, and that high school nerd-jock feeling does not exist in each gym!

It took me 3 weeks.

It made me So happy!


Wednesday, December 15

PointsPlus: Week 1, day 4

Well I only took a picture of dinner. I really did not feel okay at ALL yesterday and I feel a little better now! Yay!

Dinner: 5 points, same as always!



Today is an 8.

I have a wee bit more spring in my step than yesterday. I skipped working out and got A LOT of rest. (Thanks, Nari!) Today I am heading to the gym to join and then to a dancing party! (Oh, my!)

They are everywhere!

This is how I live, y'all! It is at once both lovely and a pain. Having the tap youngest be the same age and that age being under a year old is ROUGH! They get into everything all the time. Constantly. :)

This is Molly in her new favorite spot in the house.



Tuesday, December 14

Today is a 7.

I am sooo tired. My body aches all over and I know it will be hard to workout tonight. :P If I had sick time me and the kids would be staying home, but I missed work two weeks ago and I know I can’t afford to miss again anytime soon. Still, I am full of dread because the way I feel I will probably wind up driving in and then being unable to work and sleeping at my desk while my legs swell – not getting paid anyway. :( This sucks.
Chin up, shake it off – I WILL feel better soon and I AM going running tonight. Case closed.

Monday, December 13

Gym # 2.

There is literally nothing I liked, at all. The people there were rude and a little mean, the place was SO full I felt I was choking, the walls were mirrors and beige, the music was not on, the TV’s are strangely placed so I couldn’t check the scores or see ESPN, the energy is stuffy and weird. At gym number one there is flow, bright colors, and what I really like is that cardio is upstairs so the people up there are not BSing, they are pushing themselves to out of breath. At this gym the weight lifter are all over the place, right at your back flexing in the mirrors you are running into and talking load and laughing strange. Ugh. I came home and told Be that I couldn’t run. I went there KNOWING what I was capable of and KNOWING what I want out of a gym visit and just could not get comfortable there. I could not imagine if that was the first place I went, I probably never would have discovered running and I certainly would not have tried another gym!
This is repetitive, so if you read my other goals or my blog you have already read this:
I hate it. It is small and the treadmills literally face a wall of mirrors, so you run facing yourself. To make it worse, directly behind the treadmills are the weight machines where you sit and pull down – staring right at your backside as you walk/run. I could not lose myself, there I was staring back at me every time you glance up! I could not zone out because there was nothing in front of me to look at. Ugh and blah! I hated it. I think I am going to join my original gym tomorrow!

PointsPlus: Week 1, day 3 - the food.

I decided not to take a picture of my breakfast this morning because it was oat meal and that just looked like eww when I took a gander through the lens. Also, I had a yogurt. Fun! Breakfast was 5 pp pts. and would have been 3.

Lunch: big lunch today. I am a sucker for falafel and come to find out tzatziki sauce is REALLY low in points so I used the left over as salad dressing. What fun! 18 pp pts. (would have been 14 pts.)



Dinner: this is a recipe I have worked on twice. It is a portabella mushroom cap stuffed with extra lean ground turkey and then topped with fresh baby spinach, red sauce and Italian style finely shredded cheese. 6 pp pts. (would have been 6 pts.)



December Challenge: Week 2, # 2

43 minutes; 223 calories burned; 2.48 miles walked.
I HATE this gym! I hate it. It is small and the treadmills literally face a wall of mirrors, so you run facing yourself. To make it worse, directly behind the treadmills are the weight machines where you sit and pull down – staring right at your backside as you walk/run. I could not lose myself, there I was staring back at me every time you glance up! I could not zone out because there was nothing in front of me to look at. Ugh and blah! I hated it. I think I am going to join my original gym tomorrow!

Staying warm!

In 2005-06 after hurricane Katrina, I found myself living a little further north than I am used to. (Not hard as I am a bayou baby from WAY down south!) Of course, as with 99.9% of EVERYTHING I owned, I has lost my coat to the storm. So that Christmas my mom bought me a coat. I had gained 30 pounds from September to December (yeah, I know) and my coat was a size 16. A year later (Christmas 2006) when I went to put it on I took off the waist tie because it barely tied. The next year I stopped buttoning it. Last year I wore it and almost cried because it would not even close. I just could not bring myself to buy a new one. Honestly because I DID NOT want to go shopping for a new coat – I mean how much would a tent size coat cost? Well, this last week it has gotten COLD and I had just dropped my poor, abused, busted and thrown to the bottom of the closet coat off to be cleaned. Of course when I got it back it was hot again and I hung it in the way back. Today, it is FREEZING and I put my coat on with dread. (Even though I know I lost weight I am always surprised by it!) My coat FITS! It is wonderful and it wraps around me! I think I am going to the wedding stop to pick up a light blue sash to use as a new waist tie! Thank God! I am SO excited. Everyday it’s like something new inspires me and reminds me that this “hard work” is not THAT hard when I consider the rewards!

Today is an 8.

I ♥ my KK gift and I had fun going over there… I just wish the babinas were well and happy. I did their hair in bows this morning and I dosed them both with a cough & cold thin strip… Poor littles, that makes me sad.
I is SO DANG cold here! 38^ and dropping. It feels like a knife when the wind hits. I have SUCH a hard time at this point in the year. Bring a jacket, then it gets hot for three days – next time it gets FREEZING you scramble for your jacket only to realize you either left it at work or in your car! Dang!

KK exchange day 1!

So the last time I played I felt silly filling out the information paper. This year, infused with new life and feeling like, "Hell, I am cool and this paper should reflect that!" I filled it out with fun facts. Well, that paid off because day one and I got a SOCK MONKEY! His name is Hash Brown! ('cause I have a smaller one just like him named Tatter Tot!) LOVE it!



Sunday, December 12

December Challenge: Week 2, # 1

33:30 minutes; 240 calories burned; 8.238 miles biked!
It was a long road and I put it off big time, but in the end – I got it done.

PointsPlus: Week 1, day 2 - the food.

Breakfast: 6 pp pts. (formally 3 pts.)



Lunch: 11 pp pts. (formally 9.)



Dinner: Not pictured a biscuit and a veggie sausage patty. 7 pp pts. (formally 4 pts.)



Game day snack: 2 pp pts. (formally 1 pts.)



Game day snacks: 4 pp pts. (formally 3 pts.)



Also, I am starting a new vitamin routine because I kinda got out of the habit and decided that while I was restarting I would go ahead and add a hair, nails & skin complex and a zinc supplement!

Yesterday was a 9, today a 9.

I wish I was staying home with the kids… I have pain humming in each of the upper fibro points. I want to workout, but have been putting it off. I did get to the grocery, and I did get the medicine cabinet organized, and I did get some photos printed and framed… I just really wish we had things paid off and the kids home. That would be great!
Yesterday I lost 2 pounds at my weigh in. It was unexpected and throughly appreciated! Thank God!

Saturday, December 11

PointsPlus: Week 1, day 1 - the food.

Let's just remember that at 193.6 I am working with 30 PointsPlus points. 30! That is how many momentum points I got when I started this at 255!
Also I started my day with a double no sugar added hot chocolate for 3 pp pts. That would have cost 2 before!

Breakfast: 6 pp pts. (would have been 3.)



Lunch: 7 pp pts. (would have been 5 pts.)



Dinner: 5 pp pts. (would have been 5.)



Date night! Movie snack: 7 pp pts. (would have been 4.)



So there we have it. I also ended my day with a ice cream sandwich that went from 2 points to FOUR! Oh, well. Grand total: 32 points. Tracked on my iPhone. Today was a day off from exercise which means that Sunday and Monday are on days. :)

Weekly Meeting (Wk 30)

Down 2 – total loss 61.5!

Goals - updated!

Starting weight – 255
Current weight – 193.6
First goal – 10% of starting weight – 25 pounds – need to lose: DONE
Second goal – 10% of new weight (230) – 23 pounds – need to lose: DONE
Third goal – 10% of new weight (207) – 20 pounds – need to lose: 6.6
Fourth goal – 10% of new weight (187) – 18 pounds – need to lose: 24.6
100 pound goal – projected new weight (169) – 14 pounds – 38.6

Friday, December 10

December Challenge: Week 1, # 3

30 minutes; 222 calories burned; 7.535 miles biked!

Today is an 8.

The kids are sick – bad. (At least they decided to be sick at the same time FOR ONCE! – good.) (It’s the weekend – good.) (Mild colds, no serious tummy or bathroom issues – good.)
I am having pain again, based mainly in my shoulders and hands – bad. I actually worked out yesterday and it was really refreshing – good.
As far away as I feel, I feel kinda like I am where I am supposed to be.
_“Father please forgive me for I cannot compose
the fear that lives within me
or the rate at which it grows.
If struggle has a purpose
on this narrow road You’ve carved
why do I fear my trespasses will leave a deadly scar.”_
dcTalk – What If I Stumble

Thursday, December 9

December Challenge: Week 1, # 2

30 minutes; 185.4 calories burned; 6.538 miles biked!

Today is a 9.

I feel a little better about things. I feel like I am going to find my way through this week. Deep breath. I feel like I can be a great mom and that I can be a good teacher – we are hoping to home school next year. I need to find a church, I know that. I want that. I miss that. It’s just hard to find one that is not just tolerant, but accepting, of my lifestyle. The last thing I want is to raise my kids with the fear that their mothers are going to hell. God knows I know how that feels, I spent every Sunday praying for my father’s soul because he chose to go fishing. As an adult I know that my father has his own relationship with God and that it is okay if it doesn’t look the same as everyone thinks it should. I miss worship and I miss the love and support of a church… We tried a few years back to find one, I think it is time to try again.

59.5 pounds later...

I don’t know if you remember what the maxi dress pictures looked like, I have them on here in my post. This is my Christmas party dress! How fun! At this point I know I still have a lot of work ahead of me, but this was seriously the first time in five years that we went to this party and I was happy with how I looked!

As a reminder!

Wednesday, December 8

Argh.

I need to not give up. I have been here before. This place where I am tired and there seems to be no time for anything!

Today is an 8.

I love my family. I just want everyone to be happy and healthy. I need to try to let things go. Not over worry. I need to just trust in God and let the rest melt away. I need to do that for myself and for my daughter. She is 8 and she should not worry as much as she does.

Tuesday, December 7

December Challenge: Week 1, # 1

This happened Saturday! 33.53 minutes; 2.43 miles; 4.31 mph!

Yesterday was 7 and today is an 8.

We drank WAY too much. I don’t ever plan on doingthat again in my life. I don’t, and I know it will not happen because I know I control me. I am focusing my energy on getting back to plan and I am going to probably go to the new WW plan. I don’t know.
My oldest baby is calming down. I am working really hard on her feeling safe and my feeling safe, trying to free her of her anxiety. Baby steps, but we are taking them. Today I am back to eating well and working out this evening. Yay!

Saturday, December 4

Today is a 9.

Today is an awesome day! My mom’s doctor called and they believe that she will be fine NO SURGERY, and that they can simply monitor her to be sure! So – YEAH! My daughter, well we are taking baby steps, but steps all the same! My cat, after I broke down in tears last night, just meandered in! We have our party, and if I could bring the kids this day would be BEYOND a 10! Thank You, God! Thank you all mu friends! (Thank you, Nari, for the kind comments and prayers!)

Friday, December 3

Today is a 3.

My mother’s doctor has still not called.
My daughter is OVER worried about everything, well OF COURSE she is. Like mother, like daughter. Only she should not have to feel that way, she is a child.
My cat, Darius Jane, has not been home for a full 24 hours and I feel consumed with grief.
I don’t know how to wait. I can’t function waiting for Darry to come home or waiting for mom’s doctor. Recently I noticed that there is a mental shark circling and that is death. I have been overly crunching numbers on how much time we have left and what if’s and such things. I have to learn to let go, enjoy and live. Only in my brain there seems there lives a glitch.

Thursday, December 2

November Challenge: The lost week between November and December, # 4

Well, it is the first workout back on the stationary and I am not enjoying it. I miss running. When I kinda mentioned that to the GF she said, “I know, baby, and I know how important it is to get you back on a treadmill. One way or another it will happen soon.” And THAT is why I am SO lucky!

Today is a 5.

I am really worried about my mother, again. I wish her doctor would call. I feel like I am holding my breath, I didn’t fall asleep until after 3 last night. Please, God, guide us through this. Protect us, as always and let this be behind us soon.

Wednesday, December 1

Today is an 8.

It would be a 9, but I am sad that I can’t go to the gym until next week (when I can pay for it.) Also, MoMo has a field trip to the city and I can’t chaperon so I am sad that she might not get to go.

November Challenge: The lost week between November and December, # 3

Yesterday: I went to the gym and ran 5 mph for 17 minutes, walked/jogged 3.9 mph for 13! Yeah. Oh, yeah!

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