Little FAT Me

I work full time and I barely have time to breathe. In 2005 hurricane Katrina rearranged my life, since then I have gained roughly 80-90 pounds. I believe that it started in depression and became an addiction. I have started and failed many diets and then decided that MAYBE if I combine diet and exercise with blogging and shopping I might be able to find success. This is the story of 2010 and my struggle to rise above addiction, pain, depression and fat.
My photo
30. Mother. Wife. Artist. Psychic (sensitive.) Writer. Singer. Rain dancer. Lover. Daughter. Sister. Child of God.

The road to MY PERSONAL goal BMI/weight!

Tuesday, August 31

Today is a 6.

My toe hurts. :P
I am hoongray! :P
I think I am going to the doctor tomorrow in the morning. I should say, I am going BACK to the doctor. Ho-hum. I sure am ready for this run of crap to come to an end. I am ready to get on with it and feel better. Sigh.

Monday, August 30

September Challenge:

Originally I wanted to up the ante in September. I was thinking of going for four work outs a week. I just don’t think I can at this point. Health, both mental and physical, is important and I need to balance. The way things have been going (while good and I am grateful) I just don’t think it would be smart to put that pressure on. I am sticking to three times and hoping to get more time on Pia once these storms move on.

August Challenge: Week 4, # 3

I might have mentioned this – BUT – I got really sick last week. Sinus infection that moved to the chest. I could breathe and from there things just got worse. Over the weekend I attempted to bike on my indoor stationary, after a few minutes I felt I might faint so I gave myself an extension until the end of the month to get the final work out in.
Today, feeling MUCH better I came home excited to get my groove on and complete this goal. I pushed aside the coffee (foosball) table. (Same table as the picture BUT that is not actually mine.) I pulled over the stationary. I went to walk around and caught my big toe on the bike, hit my hip and knee on the table as I went down. I also caught the other thigh on the bike. I landed on my knees with the instant thought, “I father f*cking sure did RIP off my toe!” Well, I didn’t rip off my toe, but it might be broke. it is turning blue under the nail and it hurts all the way up my foot. That’s okay, EVERY other part I whacked on my way down or in my UN-graceful decent is aching also.
At first I wasn’t going to work out, but I just wanted to get August over. Move on. Start fresh. So I sat down and I pedaled in agony for twenty minutes. Then, after noticing the toe swell-age, I quit and put the pack of frozen peas that GoB had given me back on my toe.
I think that of them all this is my best work out effort so far! (Fun fact: When I typed that last sentence the first time I wrote “this is my best work out effort so fat.” originally. That’s just too funny

Things are looking a bit better.

My beautiful Z-pack has changed the daily ratings quite a bit! My little Lou and my lovely GoB. Wow! I can breathe through my nose! Oh, AND I have a dr appointment today to get new nerve meds! Yay!

Sunday, August 29

Well.

Well. Well. Well.
So it goes like this – I need to drink more water. Usually I do. Today I have not. I need to re-stock low point, healthy snacks. Usually I do. Right now we don’t have the money. I need to exercise. Usually I do, lately I have been sick and can’t move because I cannot breathe. Ugh and eff and ugh, again. I feel like I am blowing it all right now, just throwing it all away. I know that that isn’t true, I know I am not doing TOO bad and I can always fix it tomorrow even if I did REALLY kill it. Still, today I feel – I just don’t know.

F*cking FEED me!

I am almost out of points. I am not in control. I am on my period and I want to stuff myself with pizza, candy, milk, cookies, Taco Bell and McD’s! Argh! Mmfht! ScReAm Bloody, freaking scream!

Saturday, August 28

Weekly Meeting

Woot! Woot! It is a good weigh in and I am happy! Total loss: 33.7 and that is NOT bad for 14 weeks of actually following plan (15 weeks total.) Next week I get my 16 week SAS charm.

Friday, August 27

Today's Gourmet

So here is the deal – I only have so much time. Work – has to happen. Kids – I l♥ve and they must be taken care of. Dinner – the family needs it. Work out – has to happen (in a different way than the other has to, but still.) Blog – needs to happen for my strength, like blogging in one way or another is going to a AA meeting. The problem is that all of that has to find a place in each afternoon. So lately blogging has been whittled down. Comments here and there, but not a lot of full scale blogs. Tracking my food is still a must and while I am not overly harsh if I slip up (rare, but happens) I do stick to it. Today’s Gourmet was a way to ensure my tracking at first, now it is almost like, “Look, FAT, in this world of fitting in do you really have time to track TWICE?” Answer: no. So Today’s Gourmet is now going from a daily tracker to a whenever fund feature. Yay!

Holding strong at 5. Day in and day out.

I am sick. Not the body ache, as of yet undiagnosed sick of my whole life since April 2009 – no. Sick, like snot and sneeze and a cough that hurts my chest, mouth and head. I am sick, like the first of (hopefully not) many winter colds! Whaaa!!!!
TMI – and I started my period! WHAAAA!!! Going off to bed ASAP! :P

Thursday, August 26

5.

Because I have a cold and I am sneezing so much my chest hurts. Coughing so much I see stars.
Oh, how about because I forgot to click the “Save his entry” button last night.

Tuesday, August 24

Today is another 6.

Right now, as I fight this round of pain and ache, it is more clear than ever that I have a few saving graces in my life. The reason this scale is 5-10 and not 0-4. One is my family, my loving GoB and my little Lou & Nate. Two are my friends on the journey to self improvement with me, some close, some far, and some online. Both of these things I have to thank God for every day, and I do. I feel so blessed to have Him working with me. I am in such a different place and I know and appreciate that so much!

I think I might be on to something.

So I usually start my day around 8ish with a 6 oz. V8 low sodium drink and a Laughing Cow light cheese wheel, along with my daily vitamins (Prenatal, B complex and fish oil.) Then between 9:15 and 10 I have two whole wheat waffles with spray butter and sugar free syrup. Thing is almost as soon as I eat the waffles lately I crave something salty and then the munching progresses. Yesterday I thought, “Wait, sweet equals a loss of control for me. Sugar is one of my downfalls.” So today I made my waffles with just the spray butter. They were still yummy and so far I have not had the instant SNACK craving. I might have just learned how to side step a bullet! YAY!

Monday, August 23

Today is a 6.

I kind of crashed at the end of work, but after a dizzy nap I rebounded. Took the bike out and saw my daddy. Also, any day with Lou is a good one is some way.

August Challenge: Week 4, # 2

Me and Pia went for a 40 minute round town. God, it felt so good. It was beautiful and I had a lovely time, now I am all sweaty and it is glorious.

I live here!

How lucky am I?

Sunday, August 22

Yesterday was a 5, today a 7.

I crashed yesterday, HARD. I wound up sleeping for hours in the afternoon. It’s okay though, it taught me to be more careful. Today – much better. Today, while hard, I still stayed on my feet the whole day without any crash or real burn.

August Challenge: Week 4, # 1

20 minute round trip ride on Pia (to fetch Sunday’s Subway.) A taxing hour at the grocer. I have been battling with my physical problems. I have been trying to push through, but it is a delicate balance between too much or too little. Today after the bike ride and grocer I felt I could not ALSO do a workout. I was just too spent. That’s okay. I have decided to do what I can and not be too hard. I park further away, I use the stairs, I ride my bike and I work out when I can.


This video was actually shot two weekends ago - my second week video is missing and I am about to load this weeks!

A thought.

Watch your actions for they become your habits. Watch your habits because they become your character. Watch your character for it becomes your destiny.

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Biking again!

Taking Pia to get Subway! Yum!

The little things.

Like moving my ring from my ring finger to my middle finger because it has gotten way too loose. Like putting on a shirt I had stopped wearing and it not only fitting again, but fitting loose and baggy nothing like when I first bought it – even better! Like walking to the grocery at break and not feeling winded. Like riding a bike to the store and not struggling! Like having shorts that were too tight to close three months ago barely cling to me now. Like worrying that my jeans might actually fall off while I am carrying bags into the house.
In Weight Watchers those are known as NSV – non scale victories. To me, they are just the daily delights, happy things, the little details that will eventually consume my whole life. They keep me going and they motivate me.
What can I say? I guess I am in a quiet happy mood. Deep breath, ahhhh ~ have a great day!

Saturday, August 21

August Challenge: Week 3, # 3

Took Pia to the store for a round trip bike time of twenty minutes and then I did 30 on the stationary bike while watching the Saints KILL the Texans! ♥ those boys! Next week is my last week of three times a week. Starting in September I am going to try to up that number to four. :)

Weekly Meeting

This week I had a handful here and there as I cooked or prepared breakfast for the kids. It’s hard to stay in control when you are hungry and you are touching all kinds of yummy snacks. I also need to work out more. I have been feeling ugh and that translates to me not doing as much! Total loss: 31.5 in thirteen weeks of actual WW, counting points and applying myself. In two weeks I get my SAS (Stay and Succeed) charm for being on the weekly program 16 weeks. Yay!

Friday, August 20

August Challenge: Week 3, # 1 & 2

Hmmm, I had no idea I didn’t write an entry on Tuesday. That’s strange. Well on Tuesday I rode my stationary bike for 30. It dang near killed me. Today and yesterday I took a 20 minute ride on my bike. Collectively I am counting those two as one. Yay!

I ♥ my bike.

My bike is awesome! I got her from WallyWorld for 75 dollars. G came over and said her twin just bought the same bike for 89.99 – love getting a deal, didn’t even know it was such a steal! I also feel very gratified. I had to work for my bike. I had to make sacrifices to afford her and I had to work my booty off to get her home. I toiled working on her and took her for a quick spin day one. (Yesterday.) Today I walked her to my dad’s and filled her tires, the took another quick spin. ♥, ♥, ♥. I have not yet named her. I can’t decide. I was thinking Marina or Jo. She needs a name, she is just too cool to be a nameless bike!

Beloved ~ Toni Morrison

Whew. Good, sad, scary, ♥-breaking and intense. NOT a light read. Really lovely. Much better book than movie.

Star Island ~ Carl Hiaasen

This is a fun little book. The style is a bit strange; a lot of “funny” info on new characters at the beginning of almost every chapter. Thing is that it names drops almost every pop celeb out there at this point and with SO MUCH of that the authors characters get a bit lost. They also have names that do not lend themselves to your memory very easily or blend into the story. Every time I read a name it jarred me.
I guess it is a cute-ish story; no depth, but a good way to waste the day if you got nothing else going. I am a little disappointed that I chose to buy this full priced. Would’ve been great as a .50-1.50 pickup; at 9.99, not so much.

Thursday, August 19

Yesterday was a 6, as is today.

6.
Yep, that’s about right. Feeling, worse. Worn out. Going to WallyWorld today to buy a bike and hoping to get at least a twenty minute ride. We shall see! Registering Lou for dance this weekend, trying to make her do ballet and hip hop.

Tuesday, August 17

Today is an 8.

Holding steady at eight is a great thing. I am happy and pleased and I plan on working out tonight. Yay!

Home Team: Coaching the Saints & New Orleans Back to Life ~ Sean Payton

Just finished this today. A-mazing! Love, love, l-♥-ve! It’s written wonderfully and gives you fun facts about the Saints team. I am a collector of football trivia. It started with reading The Blindside and football blogs. I am just a sucker for it!
Sean Payton is a great guy and we, as a city and a team, are so lucky that God brought him to New Orleans.
It’s a magic place. It was a magic season. After reading the books of Sean and Drew you get the hope and the feeling that this team is a new addition to the top teams, not just on a lucky streak. A new breed of player has arrived in New Orleans and I don’t think we will ever see the lazy, beaten down, angry guys we used to know. These guys are heroes and champs. They have values and codes and I am honored the play for me and my world.
Read it, if you are not a fan you will be. If you are a fan you probably know it already, but it is still an awe inspiring story!

Coming Back Stronger ~ Drew Brees

Okay, I have written this entry so many times and every time something happens that prevents it from posting. Somewhat fitting for this book because I am going to try, try again, until I post this!
Love the man, love the story. Inspirational and moving. This is my team, this is my home, this is my struggle. Katrina was my damnation and it was hard to read it.
When the Saints won the Super Bowl I cried. I cried when they won the games heading there. I screamed, I cried, I cheered and I believed the entire way. Reading this just added a bit more emotion to an already emotional experience for me.

Monday, August 16

Today is an 8.

Another day that wasn’t bad, just a little suck-age because I don’t feel 100% (hell, at this point I still can’t even unscrew the peanut butter drawer) and my boss is a douche-y douche-douche douche bag with an extra side of douche. Douche bag. Grrr. Other than that things are great! Yay!

Sunday, August 15

Glitch # 1,296

It’s funny when you realize you have a glitch and you have no idea where it came from or when it developed. You just know that it runs deep and strong. One day a compulsion is there making you act or do.
Out to dinner the other day I asked my girl friend to ask what was in something. After hearing I changed my order. She was like, “Just ask them to leave the butter out.” I couldn’t, I just went with another dish. I felt – strange. Lately, because of this journey, I pay more attention to those feelings. I think them out later. Turn them over again and again when I have the time.
Upon turning this one over a hundred times I realized that it’s because I have a deep embarrassment when it comes to food. Like if I ask if something is healthy the person I ask will think, “As if you care, fatty.” Or if I order something like a salad I will get a look that says, “You are not fooling anyone.”
It’s another thing that doesn’t make sense. I know know when I got that way. What I do know is that I have found the glitch, so mow I can fix it. Slowly I will be whole and feel good without thinking about it CONSTANTLY!

Today's Gourmet

Sunday’s dinner: Turkey meatballs, spiced with cumin. Roasted red pepper, tomatoes and green chili sauce and spaghetti squash. So terrifically good!

Wow! It’s been a while. My food choices were less than stellar and while I stayed in my points I did not do so gracefully! Having nothing yummy or special to share I simply did not share at all. Today, this weekend, was different.

Saturday:
1/2 avocado – 2
Tuna – 1
Salmon – 1
V8 – 1 (8 oz serving size)
Apple – 1
Yogurt – 0
Meat loaf – 5
Salad – 0
Meat loaf – 2
Lettuce – 0
V8 – 1
Yogurt – 0
Shrimp tacos x 2 – 9
Misc. – 2
Milk – 3
Cookies x 2 – 3

Sunday:
Pop tart – 5
Milk – 2
POINT FREE Snowball (It has points, but this is my one guilt free snack I have here or there. I have had three this whole summer. Normally I could have three to five a week.)
Salad – 0
Dressing – 2
Steak – 5
Peanut butter – 5
Turkey meatballs – 2
Sauce – 3
Spaghetti squash – 0
Yogurt – 0
Apple – 1
Apple and cheese – 2

Hit The Spot - WW cookbook

I am not sure if I mentioned this or not, but I picked up a cookbook at my meeting Saturday. It’s called Hit The Spot and it is full of little appetizer type foods. They had them on sale for 50% off so it was only five dollars. I thought it would be a great addition to football season! Yay!

Today is an 8.

Overall an alright day. I hate that I am going to work tomorrow and that my kids are going to school. :(
I got to spend the day with Lou and I think we are putting the kittens in the stroller and setting about a walk this afternoon.

Saturday, August 14

August Challenge: Week 2, # 3

40 minute walk with G and little Lou.
We walked to the local grocery to pick up some gelatin. I am going to try to make myself pore strips. We’ll see. :) This week, the one that I thought would end it all. This week didn’t win. I did. And you know what? I am coming back stronger,

Weekly Meeting

That’s right! Down 4.4. Now, I know that if I am going to make myself feel better by saying that last week is not a “true” gain then I can’t say that 4.4 is my actual loss. Let’s figure that last week’s 1.2 didn’t exist that puts me at a loss of 3.2 – probably I lost a pound last week, but didn’t know due to my evening weigh in. So this week, while a total recorded loss of 4.4 it’s more like 2.2 or so. Still a great day!

Today is a mo-fo 10 - ya' hear?

If you have been anywhere near my page in the past week you know, you know, I have been in the dumps. No, in the darkest despair of the deepest dumps! I am still not feeling well, I got up this morning feeling like hell and I was late to my carpool and I am just over all not great. Still, I get to be home! To clean! To rest! I get to just chill and I lost this week! YAY!

Friday, August 13

August Challenge: Week 2, # 2

30 minutes on the bike.
I am in so much pain I barely made it through that half an hour. My back hurts so bad, and yet I feel better mentally. It is worth the pain. Funny thing is that when I spent the last year sick I thought that maybe it was my lazy fatness crushing me. Now that I am lighter and healthier and I know my body can move and can feel better – now, I don’t blame me so much. I don’t feel like it is me letting everyone down. It’s still my illness, but not me. That feels great!

Today was a 2, but now it's a flipping 8!

2 – Because of my a-hole boss. Because of my f*ck hole manager. Because of pain and because my babies were dropped at school. I hate that.
8 – Because I am home for the weekend. Because I am home with my little Lou. Because my GoB brought home the items to make sushi. Because I get to relax until I feel better.

Thursday, August 12

Well, well, well...

So, as I have mentioned, I have not been feeling well. My food, while in my point range, has not been the best. I am trying to care because I know that in reality I do care, but when I am so ill I feel – in that moment – like I just do not give a damn. I almost let it win, I almost blew this week, this month, this goal – I didn’t, though. I am focusing on getting to it. On paying off our bills. I want to live more simply in an effort to be more calm, centered, and healthy.

August Challenge: Week 2, # 1

30 minutes on the bike.
I hurt like a mother, but I also am really glad to have done anything. Getting back on course. HAVE to work it tomorrow and Saturday. It’s nice to know this goal isn’t dead. After I was done little Lou hopped on and did a 20 just for fun! She wants to start doing a 30 every evening. I think that is great.

Today is a 4.

I hate leaving Lou at school. I feel depressed and sad. So much to do, even less time. I am missing my kids chldhood. :(

Wednesday, August 11

Yesterday & Today were both the lowest 6 there is.

Happy because I have Lou at home, sad because school is starting. Happy because I get to see Lou every night, grumpy because I can’t sleep. Happy because of Lou’s smile, broken hearted because I feel awful again.

Monday, August 9

Today is a 8.

Good day, with the kids at work. I lovfe having them with me ALL the time. Extra pain off sets what would be a great day. Oh, well. Also I hate when they are stuck here. Without any space to move. Sad.

Sunday, August 8

Today's Gourmet

Today was loaded with extras and fun stuff. Thing is it was different. Not just because I pointed everything, but because I never felt out of control. I never felt like I was in danger or like I was overdoing or anything. I felt like I was having a beautifully decadent day, never overly full and never gross.
Breakfast: This was really different for me, usually I cook up the world for the fam and then lose steam when it comes to me. Today, today I was in the mood to whip it up!
1 egg w/ 2 egg white Laughing Cow Light Swiss omelet – 3
Apple – 1
Toast w/ spray butter – 1
Lunch: I picked up three 12” subs for everyone. Ate 6” at first and then about two hours later I had the other half with a L.C. Swiss cheese. Yum! About a half hour after that I had my milk and cookies!
Subway roasted chicken on wheat 12” – 12
Cheese – 1
Cookies and milk – 5
Movies: I was so happy to be at the local theater, I decided to indulge myself. I called GoB to get the stats on Milk-duds (my all time fav movie snack) and figured that I could go for it! I was extra proud of me because I ordered a water and they didn’t have any so I had nothing instead of using the excuse to have a soda.
Milk-duds – 8
Dinner: I have talked on my blog about how I never used to cook until rather lately in my life. Funny thing is that now I am less than impressed by dishes that I used to love. Case in point – there is a local seafood restaurant that I ♥ and the last time I ate there I ordered the seafood salad. It was good. I ordered it again last week and in the bright lights of my office as I deconstructed it I thought, “I can do this better!” It’s bag salad mix, ugh! So I made my own at home – so good! Sauteed shrimp in butter and garlic until blackened. The butter is where the points came from, normal shrimp are really low in points.
Shrimp salad with mushrooms and onions – 3
Dressing – 2

Cookies and milk.

That’s right, I did it. One eight ounce cup of ice cold milk and two generic vanilla Oreo cookies. It was five points, but it was a lovely taste that was kind of driving me batty. See over the last few days I have been putting it off, and then in weakness grabbing on or two. Not good. Today it clicked that I was not going to get over it. This was a real craving, not an addiction craving. So I took stock of the points I had left and decided to go for it, properly!
Things that made it even funner – dipping into that milk, 1% instead of fat free. They are the same points so I went with a little fat and it made a world of difference. After being on skim milk for three months that 1% tasted like cream! Also, sitting down and dipping-dunking without shame. Yep, this is me eating a cookie see it and weep!
I tell you this, I now feel like I can cook in my kitchen without trying to avoid the pantry where the kid’s cookies are! Bid relief!

Today is a 9.

Happy with a chance of high aggravation. Non-official weigh in (that does not count as scale obsession, until I climb on again in the next five minutes) this morning would put me at a loss of 2.4 from my last Saturday weigh in. Yay! Little Lou and I are hitting up a movie later, no idea what as the theater just opened and I don’t know the number. Also, a snowball! She gets two, one today and one tomorrow. Oh, the life of a spoiled little Lou!
This would be a 10 day, what with the pain stretching further everyday I cannot grant that honor. Hopefully soon!

Saturday, August 7

Today's Gourmet

Lunch: I made some tasty turkey meat burgers that GoB threw on the grill! They came out so good! Instead of a bun I ate mine on lettuce. I liked it better! After the burgers GoB grilled up some apple slices and then we sprayed with spray butter and gently powdered with cinnamon and fake sweetener.

Subway western melt – 3
Coffee milk (2%) – 4
Cheese – 2
Turkey burgers x 2 – 6
Onion – 1
Turkey – 3
BBQ apples – 2
Cookies – 4
Ice pop – 1
Broccoli & cheese – 5

I just want a flipping weekend.

Just one, stay at home and don’t do anything weekend. I have a lot going down and school is about to start for the littles. (Lou & Nat) Anyway, Saturday’s always start with Subway after weighing in. I didn’t think that would happen because I didn’t feel like going out this morning. Only GoB slept out last night and picked up my 3 point Subway breakfast this morning! Yay! She also grilled turkey burgers that were awesome. I ate mine Atkins style (no bun, wrapped in lettuce.) My plan for dinner is shrimp and fish with wheat pasta. Yum! Hopefully I can stick to that. I have been doing pretty well since I have been planing and posting!

WW Product Review ~ Pomegrantate Blueberry Smoothie

Okay, let me sat up front that this: "We aim to give you the best tasting and most satisfying product for the points value." is a direct quote from the box. It to me implies that this might not be the yummiest or the most satisfying, but for the points value it is. On that note they would be right, as I, in all my research, have yet to find any other shakes for 1 point. However having no competition hardly makes something worth 7.95 in my humble opinion.
First I tried it with milk, skim as they suggest. With skim milk it is 3 points and pretty gross. It was during this that I thought I should have picked chocolate or the coffee flavored one. I couldn't tell if it was the smoothie mix or the flavor I really didn't like. Both, I think. The next day, as a matter of science, I tried it with water. That is not even funny, even at one point it is the worst one point I have ever tasted! The gritty powered flavor of early 90's SlimFast is gourmet compared. Grant it, SlimFast is six points so maybe if it was reduced to one I wouldn't say that. Who knows?
Next week I am getting the chocolate, if that flavor isn't good I will not even try the others. Ovaltine is three points when mixed with milk, it gives you vitamins and crap. I have to admit, I am not really looking forward to it. This experiment left me kind of skived.

Today is a 9.

Little Lou is home for the school year! Yay! GoB got in early this morning! Yay! I weighed in yesterday and have nowhere to go! Yay!
This morning is rocking, except the pain has crept into my shoulders and neck and arms. Yikes, but you gotta keep going. Right? Right. We are going to check into going into the movies today, our local cinema is open – 4 years and 11 months after Katrina.

Friday, August 6

Today's Gourmet

No picture due to the fact that NOTHING was so outstanding that I wanted to capture it. I went into my bonus points, but I am not worried. I really feel like crud, so I am just proud that I am sticking to something!
Wheat waffles x 2 – 3
Spray butter – 0
Sugar free syrup – 0
Pretzels x 9 – 2
Seafood salad – 6
Waffle (French toast style) – 3
Dried fruit – 4
Smoothie – 3
Cookie x 1 – 1
Crackers & cheese – 3
Chinese cookies x 4 – 1
Cheese – 1
Soup – 4

Weekly Meeting

Up 1.2, it comes out to roughly 17.2 ounces. I am not freaking, I mean you never want to gain. I don’t consider it a gain for a couple of reasons: 1, I usually weigh in in the morning before eating or drinking anything – today I weighed in after work, after eating and drinking all day. 2, I usually wear shorts – today I have on pants.
Hopefully, next week (back on Saturday morning) I will be 2 down – that would be the 1.2 from this evening weigh in and then an extra half pound.

Curve ball.

I had this worked. Post my plan and stick with it as good as possible. Now, not so much. I feel really and truly awful. My hands are curling and I won’t be typing too too much. My legs are killing me. I had my waffles first today, needed a eye opener. It didn’t work. Just ate my cheese and drank my V8, hoping that does the job.
For lunch I am eating out, so good! A seafood salad that is really low points and not too bad on sodium.
I don’t know what will happen for dinner, I am not sure when I am going to get Lou. I just know I need sleep in a bad way! Though the last time I felt this way no amount of sleep worked for me.
Dinner, hmmm – either Subway or leftovers from lunch. We will see.

Today is a 7.

It would be a 10, but I am not sure that my little Lou is coming home today. I am really not well today. The bump on my leg finally broke skin. On one hand there is the relief of knowing that is why I was feeling awful. On the other – I feel awful. Dang!

I'm still awake.

I don’t know how people do this. I cannot get sleep, when the little Lou is home it gets even worse. We have two dogs and they let you know if something is going on, still I feel like if I close my eyes something can happen. I could take something, but I don’t want to be so out of it if something would go down. We live in a good neighborhood that I grew up in. I just don’t know how to get through this. I fall asleep better if I lay down. Only on nights like this laying down leads to getting more anxious.

Thursday, August 5

Today's Gourmet

V8 Low Sodium – 0
L.C. Light Cheese round – 1
Wheat waffles x 2 – 3
Spray butter – 0
Sugar free syrup – 0
Provolone cheese sandwich – 4
Olean chips – 2
L.C. Light wedge – 1
Crackers x 6 – 2
Granola bar – 2
Fudge pop – 3
Chinese snacks – 2
Turkey mini meatloaf – 5
Mushrooms & onions – 0
Asparagus – 0
Frozen bean & rice cake – 3
Dried fruit – 2
Clear soup – 0

I used two of my extra points and kind of snacked a bit today. I think it has to do with sitting on the couch being a bum. Also, I was so hungry that cooking was driving me nuts!

Yesterday's Gourmet

Dinner: I have not made meat in a while; we’ve been sticking with fish and shrimp just because. So I changed it up a bit with my personal size mini meatloaves made from ground turkey and topped with caramelized onions and mushrooms. For a fitting side I made my version of French fries and/or chips – sliced thin and baked crispy potatoes! So yum!

V8 Low Sodium – 0
Laughing Cow Light cheese round – 1
Waffles x 2 – 3
Sugar free syrup – 0
Sandwich – 3
Pretzels – 2
V8 Low Sodium – 0
Rice cakes x 2 – 2
Little cutie x 1 – 0
Pickle – 0
Laughing Cow triangle – 1
Fire Roasted Tomato Triscuits x 6 – 2
Turkey mini meatloaf – 5
Potatoes – 5
Butter & Oil – 3
Fudge pop – 1

August Challenge: Week 1 - Final thoughts.

I think that as I enter week two of my August challenge I need to keep a couple of things in mind. One, it is great to be enthused about working out, however I should not burn myself out. Two, while I want to act like things are all good the reality is that it seems I am in a down cycle as far as feeling good. I am dealing with more pain than I was at the beginning of the summer and if I want to be active I need to be realistic.
Yesterday was a push – a real and true push. I was hurting so bad by the time I got home. I have deep aches today and I need to be more aware. I also need to take the anything is better than nothing – just move approach. Finally, I have to make working out on Saturday and/or Sunday a priority. There is just too much during the week and I can’t go back to back to back. I burn out.
This evening – fish, baked asparagus and a shower. Curled up on the couch with Kenni (Kenneth Cole – handbags & shoes), Molly Grue, Prince Lir and Darrius Jane watching Project Runway & Jersey Shore with a little bit of channel surfing.
Tonight – rest. Lots of it. Sleep at ten with GoB.

Water.

So, I did so well yesterday. Never really feeling the real hungry only the “I just want to eat.” hungry. Once I got that in check I was all good. Today I started the same way – Low Sodium V8 and a cheese. Now I know you are supposed to inject variety and I like to do so, it’s just that if I like something – I like it and was to eat it more. I like my V8 in the A.M. because, for me, it is better than coffee. I get a zing like 20 minutes after drinking it and that last for a good while without any big whoosh! as you never really “come down” from juice. My waffles I ♥ and I enjoy every day, as if I am doing something dirty! My sandwich will be a little different and my side is chips not pretzels. Afternoon break will be the “at home” snack from yesterday, Laughing Cow light wedge and six Triscuit crackers. I also have a cucumber and another V8, should I need more – I will probably drink the V8 (honestly, I am a little bit of a V8 junky.) Crazy thing is that today I am wanting to snack and when I went through my tracker and my food and looked for a problem I cam up with an obvious one – WATER. I have not drunk water today. That is so dumb as I know what a difference I feel when I do. I am going to get my first huge bottle now!

43Things.com, August Challenge: Week 1 - # 3

40 minute walk with G.
Long day, I gave blood. Don’t feel well. Got to the groceries only to feel like sh*t as I drug myself around. Got home, sliced potatoes and went out the door. We had to cut it short because I had to get dinner done at a somewhat decent time.
:( Sad night, on the good side: Molly has been sitting on my lap a lot and my little Lou comes home in two days.

Today is a 5.

Feeling pretty craptastic today. My body is aching and I am tired. G and I stayed up all flipping night, it was so fun. Today sucks, though. I miss Lou and GoB isn’t working at my office and Nay-nay is acting a darn fool. Ugh. :P
P.S. Advil is not cutting it!

Wednesday, August 4

Argh.

I am feeling a little agitated. I want to get on the scale. I want to weigh me. I went to the doctor’s office yesterday and my weight was up 1.8 – I am not worried about that because I was wearing jeans, shoes, it was the evening and I had eaten three times. Chances are I am down at least half a pound. I am dying to get on the scale to verify this theory.

Starting fresh.

Okay, making a new start. Once again I am trying to plan ahead. (Never really works, but I am trying anyway.) Having healthy breakfast, twice. First thing in the morning I had a V8 Low Sodium, and a Laughing Cow Light cheese round. At first break I am having wheat waffles with sugar free syrup and spray butter. Lunch is a sandwich with pretzels and afternoon snack is two popcorn flavored rice cakes.
This isn’t set in stone and I will update as to whether it works out or not. I also have an extra V8 for when I need a pick me up. Maybe this time I will do better with sticking to my plan. I tend to work the hell out of my goals once I 43Things them!

43Things.com, August Challenge: Week 1 - # 2

1 hour of walking around the neighborhood last night.
G was going to be unavailable today so I came home thinking I was hitting the bike for an hour at some point. Didn’t happen. Instead G called because her yoga class was canceled and I got a walking buddy! Yipee!
Tonight was night out against crime. People were out getting their grill on and while it smelled nice, I didn’t want to eat everything. Progress? I think so.

Tuesday, August 3

How I remember to take my vitamins.

"I don't know if it's the vitamins or all the other things I am doing now (probably a combo of them all) but I feel great.""


How I did it: I got myself a prenatal - not because I am expecting, but because a doctor recommended that - and I started taking them. At first I was leaving them at home, but that got to be bad because once I left the house it was too late. Them I was leaving them at work, but I was screwed on the weekends. Eventually, I think from having them at work where I spend most of my time, I took them more than not. I decided to put them into my purse where they traveled and I took them daily. Once that was done I expanded my routine to include my prenatal, a Super B-Complex (B vitamins 1, 2, 3, 6, and 12) and a Omega-3 Fish Oil. After adding those I felt a lot better, I also drink a low sodium V8 daily, like my coffee, and I have more energy and do more everyday!
Now I leave the vitamins on the counter and if I forget them in the morning I usually notice at some point early on. Then that is the first thing I do when I get home!


Lessons & tips: Put them in a place you can't forget, just take note of recommended storage conditions.

Resources: My vitamins are all Spring Valley. I don't know if they are only at WallyWorld or not, but that is where I get them. They are affordable and located everywhere, so it's all good!


It took me 1 month.

It made me Excited!

Yesterday.

My WW carpool girls are always like, “Oh, you look like you lost.” It feels good for people to notice. They notice, I think, because they look for it and they only see me once a week. My day to day people don’t usually say anything. The shrink is too slow for the everyday eye. Yesterday, however, I got up and got dressed in a pair of jeans that I used to have to unzip to sit in and a tee that was really, uh, snug. Now I can sit all day in those jeans, with a little extra room and my shirt fits really nice. I walked in and my GoB says, “Wow, look how good that shirt looks babe!” Then, maybe an hour later a coworker looks at me and exclaims that my arms have shrunk. Okay!
When I arrived at the track to walk with G I got out the car and as I was walking up to her she was like, “Damn you, you look so skinny!”
I feel like I am floating I feel so good about me right now, and it’s funny, I could feel the loss of 26 pounds in my clothes, but I could not see it in the mirror until now.

43Things.com, August Challenge Week 1 - # 1

50 minute walk with G.
I don’t know WHAT was up yesterday, but it was HOT. As in, Hades. Like, really. It was funny, because I was (in my mind) all like, “What the f*ck? Why am I sweating this?” I thought it might just be because I was being a baby and had not worked out in two days. Then G was all like, “Dude, can you see the way I am sweating?” This brought me to the next strange thing about yesterday. I looked over at her and I could not see her sweating because it was dark. I said that to her and she agreed that it was indeed getting darker earlier and earlier. I know that this happens every year, but it just seems to be flying by this year.
August, wow. The really crazy thing – I have been doing WW since the end of May. I don’t feel frustrated, not really. I don’t feel punished or angry or like I want to go out and eat A LOT. I feel, good? Proud? Happy? Yep, all of those and more. Yay!

Monday, August 2

Tattle tale!

Ooooh, I am going to tell on myself right now! I am snacking! My two point sugar high meant to last all day was gone by twenty minutes in! My pretzel helping was wiped out! I know I have to have water, but I don’t feel like walking two doors down. Pathetic, I am aware!
I am about to eat wheat waffles and I am pretty sure that will help. Having an actual breakfast in my belly can’t hurt, right? Right!
Wish me luck, looks like this week might be a kicker.

Sunday, August 1

A pointless day?

I have not allowed myself a truly pointless day at all since I started WW eleven weeks ago. I did not intend to now, but life worked it out a little different. Yesterday I had a birthday to take little Lou to from one – four and we had an appointment with a “cat lady” in another state at six. My day started at 6:45 AM when I got up and got dressed for my meeting, had to wear different pants. I was not happy. Down 1.2 isn’t bad so I rolled with it, knowing its better for the journey to take a while and last forever. I got home, still having to design an Alice in Wonderland themed costume for little Lou, I went right to cooking breakfast for everyone. Um, everyone BUT me. We ran out of eggs and I wasn’t in the mood, or with the time, to figure something out. After fashioning what I deemed a very nice costume we were off.
The party was a fancy affair and there were lots of foods that I would not touch. I opted for a few cheese squares, four sandwich triangles and LOTS of fruit. I have no idea how much fruit, but I know I passed up the pizza, cake, crackers, ice cream, cup cakes… I drank lots of water, I got through it.
We left the party and we started our two and a half hour trek to the new kitten, Molly. I had a headache to kill and when we stopped for gas I picked up a V8 and it really mad me feel good. Nice perk up, in fact – for me – I think it is better than an energy drink. It would have been two points at the most, but I didn’t count or care at that point! After hanging out and picking our kitten, a beautiful seal point Siamese girl, we hit the road. It’s 8:38 PM at this point and we are starved!
We pull into the first McDonald’s drive through. This upset me a bit, that I couldn’t go to Subway. With a kitten left in the car I just couldn’t do anything other than drive through. :( It was the first time I ate at McDonald’s in eleven weeks and I didn’t have my dining out book. I ordered a honey mustard grilled chicken Snack Wrap and hoped for the best – 6 points BTW. I also ordered a small, nonfat milk, vanilla latte – again, I would have loved to have a V8 but I couldn’t leave Lou or the new baby in the car alone.
I thought and thought and at first I was like, “There is no way I used all my day point AND all my extra points. I will just cancel out all my extra and be strict for the week.” Only, I feel like that would be setting myself up to fail. In reality I am proud of how I handled things, avoiding the bad, eating small amounts of the “could be dangerous” foods, loading up on fresh fruit, making good choices at McD’s. I am going to be careful this week, to work out and to be mindful. I am not going to punish like I once would have. I also am not going to skip counting points, at least not for another eleven weeks or so. I don’t like how lost I felt last night as I drove home.

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