Little FAT Me

I work full time and I barely have time to breathe. In 2005 hurricane Katrina rearranged my life, since then I have gained roughly 80-90 pounds. I believe that it started in depression and became an addiction. I have started and failed many diets and then decided that MAYBE if I combine diet and exercise with blogging and shopping I might be able to find success. This is the story of 2010 and my struggle to rise above addiction, pain, depression and fat.
My photo
30. Mother. Wife. Artist. Psychic (sensitive.) Writer. Singer. Rain dancer. Lover. Daughter. Sister. Child of God.

The road to MY PERSONAL goal BMI/weight!

Thursday, September 30

September Challenge: Week 4, # 3

OMG, ya’ll I can’t believe I did it!
30 minutes; 6.091 miles; 140.8 calories – thank You, God!!!!

Sing-a-ma-jigs! (And other wonderful things!)

It is no secret that I am having a rough week. Needing to refocus and commit to myself and get OVER the whole pity party I am throwing. So, I decided that since every good party needs presents this one does too! (As you may know if you follow me here or read my blog..) I am a fool for my little grade school rewards. 5 pound stickers – BRAVO stickers – key chains, those things make my hot. (Appeal to my inner child.) I came up with a few, not too costly rewards!
45 pounds – Sing-a-ma-jig (Red, though blue is my favorite color I like the red ones voice better.) I KNOW that they look like a a toddler toy, but they are awesome and they have little teeth in their mouth AND they sing!
50 pounds – my love bag!
55 pounds – my choice of the Monster High dolls – I love Frankie!
60 pounds – blue PaperJamz guitar
65 pounds – PaperJamz amp
70 pounds – PaperJamz drums
75 pounds – another Monster High doll
I know that seems like a lot but as I go forward and weight loss takes longer those little gifts will be stretched over a few weeks.
(Back to life, back to reality…) Let the games, uh – re-begin!

Today was a 4 or 5 - is a 3.

I am crawling, dear friends, from the depths of a week that has been demoralizing and inhuman. I am using the bloody nubs of finger tips to slowly make my way back to life, to all the beauty of life. I woke this morning and put on one of my dresses, thought to me “Why not? Why not let the dress remind you of who you are, LittleFAT and where you are going?” So I did. I put on my favorite and low, and behold – I felt somehow better. Oh, the sun will shine! Oh, the cool front is coming! Oh, the heat of the south and all you hate are melting away!
And then, I can’t – I can’t bring myself to say it. Then, as up make your way to pack your purse – Kindle in hand – you turn and almost-step on the small brown tail of your beautiful Siamese Molly, you re-adjust to find the under your feet you are swarmed by all the warm, loving, beauties you cannot count and you fall. Before you can even register the pain in your knee you realize that your Kindle just SAILED across your living room only to hit the ground, make impact and slide until it rest at the tiny paws of the only cat to NOT be underfoot and you realize this could only be worse if the wayward reading device had smacked her in the head!

Wednesday, September 29

Today is a 5.

I am sucking. Not the good way.
I am barely staying in points, not eating well. Have not worked out in three days. Up a pound and a half, if you listen to that evil little scale in my bathroom. BLAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Tuesday, September 28

Today is - too early to tell?

Maybe, but I feel better today. I feel a wee bit more in control. I feel – like I might be able to get my sh*t in order! I am eating my waffle and cottage cheese and feeling full already. I am looking forward to my water. I feel such a relief that I could cry. I am crying a little. Oh, to be a woman on her monthly roller coaster!

Monday, September 27

Today is a 7.

Recovering from the need to eat, hopefully that first day will be the worse. I did not work out this morning, so… I have to do it this evening. Sucks, ‘cause today is dancing and time is tight. I feel a little better. Ho-hum.

Sunday, September 26

Today is a 6.

A long, long drive and a Saints lose to Atlanta contribute to this low number. Also a factor – I started my “moment” and I want chocolate and pop-tarts. I want cheese burger topped pizza. I want ice cream, and I feel depressed that I will never eat again!

September Challenge: Week 4, # 2

Well, this was yesterday. I kicked the heck out of 225 calories during a calorie burner! Yay!

Saturday, September 25

Today is a 9.

If Lou was home with Putt and me then that number would be a resounding 10! 10×10 x 10! I lost 3 pounds, again. I am in a happy mood. I feel like towards the end of this week I was giving up a bit and now I am re-focused!

Weekly Meeting (Wk 19)

Déjà vu – maybe, but they say that déjà vu is simply the universe letting you know that you are in the right place at the right time, on the right path. Like life’s little flags marking your way. Let’s go with that because I like that for this! Down 3 – AGAIN! Thankyouverymuch! Snap, snap!

Friday, September 24

Susan Nichole Vegan Handbags ~ Charlotte in Burgundy

Uh, huh.

My current celly – which has been the best EVER – is still in complete working order, but she is ooooking yellowing gel under the screen. What is this??? This blood of the celly??? Where is it coming from and what could it mean??? Well, I can only say to those questions: I don’t know, I haven’t a clue, I am as confused as you and, again, I don’t know. It can only mean that I MUST upgrade to an iphone ASAP. Isn’t it lovely when life just hurls signs at you? Like hail, big honkin’ hunks of frozen rain solidified into baseballs of death, from God saying that He agrees you really do need a new car!
Thing is that I need 200 green men for that. I have 200, actually I have bit more, but not for that. Not right this second. Then what? Buy a back up phone for a month or two? Here is the other thing. I want a white iphone and they are not out yet. I am holding off, I think. Waiting for the white – dreaming of a WHITE ChristMAS! Dun, dun, dun, dun-dun-dun-dun-dun…. In my head that sounded just like the song, BTW.

Oh, my aching paws!

This old woman’s hands are wrought with pain, curled, mangled! They better get fixed because I am writimg my novel this year!

Eh, I think I stumbled a bit.

Not with eating. I mean this week is not as clean as last, but I have been doing very well and have not used my extra 35 points at all! Yippie. Thing is my personality sucked this week. I even stopped doing videos and blogging (wait, I am an ass.) I have said that this whole thing depends on something else and still I forgot. I eat better when I work out. I work out better when I blog. I blog better in combo with the videos. I do videos after I work out. See – all of it contributes to the well oiled machine I want to be!
Stand up! Stand up, LittleFAT, and fight this fight! (I should have said.) Trudge onward – move forward! (I should have done.) Instead I wound up here, at the bottom of this dump hole where I allowed myself to sink. Must. Move. Forward.

Today is a 6.

I am nothing if not bipolar! Let it never be said that I am a woman who doesn’t know how to throw a good mood swing! Yesterday I was in full drama mode, attack and then insist you are the victim, that is what I always say (when I am being a completely insane idiot like yesterday.)
I have been a bit on edge because my hands hurt (I think we are on the verge of a diagnosis) and I haven’t been able to write much – it’s all video and quick notes. Blah, blah, blah. Better clear up before November because I am writing a novel this November. I want people to do it with me, so drop a little note to me and let me know if you are interested – – for more info.
Okay, tooties, why the low number? I am angry with me for the break down and I am pretty sure it goes hand in hand with not working out in the early morn! That’s right, I just bunked out this week. I ate okay but I sucked the big donkey one when it came to working it. Oh well, tomorrow it all starts anew.
Would be an 8, but Lou is leaving for Mi’s house. Sadness, despair. I shall take me to a movie tonight and forget my absolute solitude. (Well, absolute except for GoB and Nate!) (Speaking for those two I am in need of a rename for them – Nate is now Putt and GoB is now, hmm need to think on that.)
Toot-a-loo, kids, toot-a-loo!

Thursday, September 23

Today is a 2.

I am nervous, angry, bothered. I don’t like change or lies and I feel like both are eminent. I hate half truth, I hate pretend. I am over it.

Wednesday, September 22

Today is an 8.

I am feeling a wee bit fragile and very much over tired. My body is aching here and there from the doctor’s exam (that was more like her pulling her most horrible ninja moves on me.) My hands are not better, but maybe the steroids take longer than a day? Kids – school. Me – work. Blah, blah, blah.

Tuesday, September 21

September Challenge: Week 4, # 1

Well, I didn’t really feel like doing it. I had a rough day and nothing worked out as planned, but still I went and did a light cardio for 30. I am glad and proud of myself.

Go SAINTS!!!!! ♥ ♥

The Saints won – with no time left to screw up. I am not going to work today, doctors and blood work. I plan on working out after the visit, before the blood!

Monday, September 20

September Challenge: Week 3, # 5

I was bummed with myself for getting sucked into Ugly Betty last night, going to bed at the time that I should be getting up to work out (5:30 in the A.M.) and not working out this morning. I made up for it by forgoing my light cardio and doing a full 45 of high intensity calorie burning!
I am not sure the exact calories burned my count down didn’t reset so I only know 225 for sure and then and extra 15 minutes (so maybe 110.) 8.400 miles biked!

Today is a 9.

The Saints play tonight! DOMINATION! This day would be a 10, but I stayed up late, LATE, and didn’t get up to workout. Poo.

Sunday, September 19

September Challenge: Week 3, # 4

210 calories burned; 30 minutes on the stationary; 6.032 miles biked.

Today is an 8.

Going back to work, of course, adds to this lower number. The major reason is that I tweaked my knee last night (no, not playing in my hooker heels.) I was walking up the side walk in flats and something just eeked the wrong way. :( Oh, well, going to workout anyway – I just might have to do it in tiny bits!

Little black fish update. (At the bottom of the blog.)

I am 13.6 towards pitching another little black fish! So when I hit my 20 in 10 goal I will be beyond my next fish, lower than 200 and have a bag to love! Hot! Hot! Hot!

Saturday, September 18

September Challenge: Week 3, # 2 & 3

Thursday I worked out – I don’t know the stats. :(
Today: 160ish calories burned and 5.235 miles biked! Cardio – Tomorrow I start the day with 30 minutes of calorie burning followed by 30 of cardio. (

Today is a 10.

Well, it’s not like I was drifting about clinging to ho shoes just to feel human, nope not this week. This week the voices of food were silenced, it was a strange and welcomed. I think that I have turned the corner in a bad relationship – for more on that watch the video I post this afternoon!

Weekly Meeting (Wk 18)

Hey, hey, hey - looks like all that work works! Can't wait to do another week!

Friday, September 17


I spoke on this a long time ago, but as I am closer i am mentioning it again. My 50 pound reward is a SN handbag. Well, they are having a sale now – BOGO – so I ordered it early and will be putting it away until I hit the mark! Also, they are having a contest every night for the next five nights. Check the site if interested!
The bag pictured is my 50 pound reward! It is awesome!

Today is an 8.

Yep, it’s going pretty good. Friday, always a great thing. My house is getting cleaned this weekend. I weight in tomorrow and I think it wil be a good one. We pick up another litten tomorrow for Lou. Fun. I don’t workout today, at all – though I think I would like to go on a light bike ride. I have not taken Pia anywhere in a while!

Thursday, September 16

Today is a 7.

Again. In part because I overslept and could not work out in the morning, also because my Morale-O-Meter will not load – so while I am typing this I can’t actually update. Also, because I am feel ling crap – not mind, but body. Aching so bad. I am trying breathe and not let it get to me… Ah, life. The ups and the downs. I plan on working out tonight. Busting ass! Friday, tomorrow, is my only official off OFF day. I will not be working out the day before weigh in. I also eat to detox and let excess water weight go!

Wednesday, September 15

September Challenge: Week 3, # 1.5

225 calories burned; 6.536 miles biked – 30 minutes and A LOT of sweat!


I have a new, and a bit strict, approach to food. It might wind up sticking for life (because it works so well) but I only intended it to be the next two months. Basically I drink my V8 in the early morning with my vitamins (8:30ish) and eat my breakfast at break time (9:30ish) then lunch is something light and small – WW bar, yogurt, fruit – (12-12:30ish) another small snack at afternoon break and then dinner (6-8ish) and I have a yogurt in the late evening because I like a small snack with my nighttime TV.
Okay, all that said so that I can say this: today GoB brought me Subway breakfast. My first thought was – I will keep it for later. Then it would be gross, so I ate it and re-did my food schedule. I was really tripping over this shifting because I am scared that EVERYTHING will slip away from me if I am not perfect. I know that isn’t true, and to help get over that I decided to go ahead and eat my breakfast and work it out. I can do this. I am strong and I am killing this life change!

September Challenge: Week 3, #1

6 a.m. – 170.4 calories burned; 5.843 miles biked; 30 min. stationary.
Whooo! I a sweaty, sweaty girl! Going to shower!

Today is a 7.

Would be a 10, but school & work, also I went to bed really late again so I am tired. Everything else – yay!

Tuesday, September 14

Eerie silence in my tummy.

I have no idea how long it takes to have your stomach “shrink” in response to a new eating habit. Let’s look that up – oh, your tummy doesn’t shrink. Well, that’s for a video and a few blogs – moving on: today is day four of the new ‘cleaner’ more ‘strict’ eating – still not a diet, just a buckle down to work for something, and guess what. I am not having a hard time, actually quite the opposite. It seems that yesterdays small – ugh – was the worst so far. I am not saying that it won’t get hard again, just that right now the seas are smooth on the food front. How lovely!


I know that a lot of you are doing calorie counting, just as a lot of you have ‘heard’ me say Weight Watchers like a gazillion times. Well, I took myself over to Calorie Count and mad a LittleFATMe account just to have some fun. All figured I ate about 1250 calories yesterday and worked off 176.2 of them. Today, when I stick to my planned eating, I will have eaten 890 calories. That seems low, but I have a really fab menu planned for myself so the fact that it is low calorie is just a happy extra. I think Calorie Count is cool, but I have one kinda big complaint and that is the Burn Meter – when selecting your lifestyle they don’t let you customize. I work at a desk, sit and type (and blog.) At home I MOVE it a lot, cooking, washing, prepping. I have a workout routine. They put sitting at work with sitting at home and not working out. OR I could choose moving at work to apply the rest to my life. I chose the lesser and figured that underestimating my activity would be like over estimating my points and work to my advantage in the end.
I don’t plan on keeping up my logs on Calorie Count. With 43Things and YouTube I have enough to keep me going. I do think I will stop by there now and again to get fresh perspective.

Today is an 8.

Got up, but since I stayed up stupid late it was a lot harder than yesterday. Worked out, not as fun as yesterday – I think I need to alternate playlist AND go to bed at a decent time. Making breakfast and fighting the sad that comes with dropping the littles off to school.

September Challenge: Week 2, # 5

6 a.m. – 173.2 calories burned; 6.262 miles biked

I have to go take a break, ‘cause I am about to be cocky! (It’s not my fault, I am high on exercise.

Monday, September 13

Today is an 8.

Woke up, worked out, feeling GOOD! GoB is sick and she will not be at work so I am stressed. :\ Kids go to school and I go to work and I can feel the panic creeping up my neck. Sick and prickly. :(

September Challenge: Week 2, # 3 & 4

Okay so the last two days (yesterday & today) I worked out fist thing in the morning. Yesterday I did a mean work out. Rough and long. Today I took a light cardio because this is my rest day. I am going to try to work out EVERY day with fast fun cardio being my days “off” and longer calorie burners on my days “on” – yay!

Sunday, September 12

Today is a 9.

Woke up today and the first thing I did was – BAM – workout. I still need to tweak my playlist, I added some more Gaga. Let me tell you, after this weight is lost I will owe Lady Gaga a HUGE “Thank you!” She is really helping to get me through pushing harder.
Would be another 10, however I have to go to work tomorrow and that brings it down a notch. I told GoB the other day that it was funny that I have a virtual nervous break down on weekdays, on the weekends I am almost fine. Work is killing me. KILLING me.

Saturday, September 11

September Challenge: Week 2, # 2

40 minutes killing it on the stationary bike! Freakin’ ♥ my playlist!

Changing it up a wee bit.

Okay, so I clearly got lost along the way. That’s alright – I am, after all, human. Though I think it’s time to redirect myself. Re-infuse my work outs. Tonight I plan on making a few more playlist and tweaking the one I have. It really helps me kick ass.
I also think I might move from the individual tracker to the 3 month journal. For now I am going to use both. (Slow to warm to change, as always.) I am making the move because WW changed the weekly trackers and it really bothers me. Yikes. Also, now that I have been on plan for so long I thought it would be fun to stream line my history. Right now I keep them all and if I touch them they usually fall into a pile and I have to re-order them.
It’s just a thought at this point. I am not sure I will like the journal, I hated it last time I did the journal. I am just looking to change it up.
I have an UNofficial goal of twenty pounds in the next ten weeks. It’s not realistic, but it is possible. If I did that I would be under 200 pounds for my birthday! Magic!

Lou is eating pizza. Me? No, thank you.

Hitting the week with a new and MUCH improved outlook. I had forgotten how good it feels to be slightly less than full all day. I feel high and in a sick kind of control. Now I just need to keep this. I love the WW snack bars. This is one of the freebies I won in the raffle two weeks ago and I think they are so good.

Today is a 10.

Funny how that happens, huh? One minute you are in the gutter, barefoot and dirty. You hate the sun for shining and the kids for playing at the playground. You know that that pizza which spoke your name is fixing itself to your ass determinately. You are buying slut shoes just to feel human! The next minute you are down 1.6 and suddenly your skin is clear, you are going shopping with your eldest child and you are sure to find SOMETHING that will compliment you – you are after all YOU, how could you not? ♥ ♥ ♥ Life is a 10 – you do not have work, you do not have anything pressing and now you are thinner!

Weekly Meeting (Week 17)

-1.6, total loss: 36.1
Like, no flippin’ way! I am so happy and so excited. Now, if I can just maneuver around all the emotional mines that can set off an addict!
LOVED my meeting, love my new leader – got a BRAVO star! Talked and had fun, it was great!

Friday, September 10

I am getting a wee bit impatient.

By wee bit impatient I mean – I WANT TO BE SKINNY NOW! I have such fashion sense. My whole life I have thought, “If I were thin.” Now that I KNOW this is the time, that at the end of the journey begins one of plastic surgery to tuck and trim the damaged me from my frame, that I will be thin. Now that I know all that I want to start shopping, start flaunting, start being the me that is hidden behind this wall of fat. Being the me that moves as if stuck in jello. I want to be me and SHINE! I have been writing songs, I truly want to perform one day. I am excited!

Today is a 4.

I am just pooped. I could only get through 15 minutes of workout yesterday. I am so tired and so, exausted. I am just sleepy. I hope for maybe a little loss so that I can feel energized with hope and happy feelings in the new week!

Thursday, September 9

September Challenge: Week 2, # 1.5

I don’t know how many times I can visit this subject. When the mystery illness kicks in I have to constantly balance. Balance too much with not enough. Balance true sadness with illness. Balance getting enough rest with not indulging the fatigue as much as possible. Today I hit the bike for 15 minutes. I did the rough workout, it was just too much today. Better luck tomorrow I guess.

In a bit of a funk.

In case that has gone unnoticed. (Not that it could.) I am doing better on food, though still burning through points as if I have a million!
I start to panic if I think of that too much. Like if this is me now what will happen when I am at the lowest point value. Then I remember that the 35 points used to be spread like a range and I will never have less than 23 points (if I need them.) I am exercising and trying really hard to be not so much of a Debbie Downer. It’s hard.

Another 4.

Fatigue, pain, weakness. I hate when life gets this way. Typing hurts and I can’t open the peanut butter. (Or other jars.) Saints play today, I don’t feel like making taco salads. Tacos are our game food. Ho-hum.

Wednesday, September 8

Trying to do what is right.

It is so hard. I am in a bad place. I am sad and angry. I am so at the end and I don’t care at this point. (But I do.) I want to stomp and kick and break beautiful, delicate things. I have so much anger, sadness, depression. I am just trying to hold on. Work out. Lose myself in Lady Gaga as I sweat and work hard to undo this funk I find myself in.

September Challenge: Week 2, # 1

Worked out for 45 minutes, long and rough. I feel a teeny bit better!

September Challenge: Week 1, # 3

Went for a bike ride on Pia yesterday – 20 minutes.

Today is a 4.

I want Olive back. I miss her and I hate that she is gone. I am angry and I am sad and I want to eat and I want to cry and I want to sleep and I don’t want to wash my hair or be clean. I just want to slip away.

Tuesday, September 7

Today is a 6.

I hate life! Whaaa!!!
I am angry and sad and I DO NOT want to be at work. I want to sleep and sleep and sleep. I also want to work out. Wish I could sleep workout. That would be lovely. Grump. Arghf! Blah.
I want to be home with my bambinas – making videos and blogging. Painting pictures and debt free. >:[

Monday, September 6

Today is a 9.

Me and Lou finished her room. It is SO clean. I ate better today, I worked out HARD for an hour. Today was just great! Would be a 10, but I have to work tomorrow! SUCKS!

September Challenge: Week 1, # 1 & 2

I went for a walk with G last night, late. We walked for 45 minutes. Today I worked my ass off for and hour. LOVE my new playlist for working out. Yay!

Sunday, September 5

Yesterday, 6. Today, 7.

Yesterday was Lou’s birthday and it was fun. My brother was an ass so it was a little tense. I ate too much pizza – and today is not better because I need to go to the grocery. :P

Saturday, September 4

Weekly Meeting

Well, down is down. So I am happy. Thing is Lou has a party today and want to eat the pizza. Total loss: 34.5

Good morning, Mr. Sun.

Another day, another meeting. Hoping I lost 1.7 or so. I would like to be under 220.

Friday, September 3

Changing the game.

I am defining September as the 3rd – the 30th. So, The first week goes 1st-10th, second 11th-17th, third 18th-24th, fourth 25th-30th!

Today is an 8.

I am having trouble trying to think about all that lies ahead of me. I am trying to stay focused, but also enjoy the ride. We are in talks about adopting out our dogs. An open adoption where they stay together. Still I feel like I am a loser. I love my pups. I love Olive and a part of me knows we should let them be happier. A part of me wants to make them happy. I don’t know that I can. On the emotional level I am a wreck. Physically I feel better. So goes the wheels of life.

All you can eat.

Sounds like a trap. I went to a new buffet today for lunch and I think it was a really good experience. Almost like it proved to me that I can do this. The right way. I went up and I made a salad plate: lettuce, one tsp of shredded cheddar, salt & pepper, a boiled egg and I put about ten boiled (NOT seasoned) shrimp. I took my time and ate my food with a 20 oz glass of lemon water. Then I took a second trip to the sushi bar: three 1”x1” bits of avocado and seaweed salad roll, two (same size) snow crab bits, two pieces of salmon sashimi (it was actually on top of rice but I ditched the rice bits), one bit of crunchy roll (which I never get anymore because the crunch adds so many points, so I was glad to be able to have just one little taste!) and another 1/2 cup of boiled shrimp. I ate my fortune cookie which said: You cannot enjoy the rainbow without enduring the rain. Pretty fucking fabulous for my life at the moment. I left feeling full and proud of me!

Thursday, September 2

Gearing up!

I went onto my account last night and I made myself a playlist of music to work out to. It’s a lot of Lady GaGa and then it turns into Usher, Nelly and some other random slow-ish songs for cool down. It’s an hour long, so I am excited. My plan is to get the songs on my MP3 player after I stationary to them tonight. Wait, Saints game tonight, that’s what I am working out to tonight! Anyway, once I try the work out playlist I am going to try to make it mobile so I can play it in one ear while I walk or ride Pia. (One ear, because I believe it is very important to know what is going on around you at all times and when on a bike you need to hear cars…)

Birthday dinner - AND - cake!

Little Lou turned 8 yesterday and in the tradition of my mother I let her pick her birthday dinner. She picked bacon wrapped steak and baked potato chips (I make them and they are VERY point friendly.) Steak was 6 points, potatoes 3. Then we had cake and ice cream. Now, I did small serving ice creams, like tiny! I bought Skinny Cow’s for the growed ups and these tiny, adorable Ben and Jerry’s for the kid folk. (The kid folk love them even more because they come with this itty bitty teeny weensy plastic “spoon” under the lid.) Ice cream (for me) was 2 points. Finally, on to the CAKE. My Lou loves herself a cookie cake and I had to oblige. We sliced it up pretty small and I charged myself a hefty 8 points for the piece I had, with milk which is 2 points. All in all I went into my extra points by 6 – and that is NOT bad.

Holding steady at 8.

I think when I actually get a real workout in I will feel like a 9 or 10. I am feeling much healthier, all around. Toe, sinus infection and mystery illness, it all seems to be okay right now. I have to take advantage of it!

Wednesday, September 1

Today is an 8!

8! Because little Lou has been my for eight years today! 8! Because my toe, while still wretchedly twisted looking, is feeling MUCH better. 8! Because I have pills for my nerves! 8! Because birthday breakfast went off lovely!
Today was the new beginning that I needed September to have in a bad way! Yay! Contest!

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