Little FAT Me

I work full time and I barely have time to breathe. In 2005 hurricane Katrina rearranged my life, since then I have gained roughly 80-90 pounds. I believe that it started in depression and became an addiction. I have started and failed many diets and then decided that MAYBE if I combine diet and exercise with blogging and shopping I might be able to find success. This is the story of 2010 and my struggle to rise above addiction, pain, depression and fat.
My photo
30. Mother. Wife. Artist. Psychic (sensitive.) Writer. Singer. Rain dancer. Lover. Daughter. Sister. Child of God.

The road to MY PERSONAL goal BMI/weight!

Sunday, April 8


1. Who are you?
I don’t know. I used to think I knew, and then everything started changing and I realized that the moment you think you know who you are you are probably not growing and evolving as you should be. I don’t know who I am exactly, but I like figuring it out.

2. What are the 3 most important things everyone should know about you?
I used to be extremely overweight. That might not seem important, but when people don’t know it they usually don’t understand where I am coming from AT ALL.
I love for life. No one really gets why I stick by most of the people in my life, but when there is something I love in you I can’t turn away (even when I should.)
My world is my daughter and if you can’t get down with that we don’t need to know each other.

3. When you aren’t filling out 5,000 question surveys like this one what are you doing?
Working out (for fun.) YouTube-ing, writing poetry and being a full time mom.

4. List your classes in school from the ones you like the most to the ones you like the least (or if you are out of school, think of the classes you did like and didn’t like at the time).
Art, environmental science, English, history, math and P.E.

5. What is your biggest goal for this year?
To make it better all around than last year. It is a BIG goal, last year was awesome.

6. Where do you want to be in 5 years?
I want to be fit and thin. I want my kids to be doing AWESOME with school and I want to be a mom to a Goldendoodle SO BAD!!!

7. What stage of life are you in right now?
Discovery. Re-invention. Becoming.

8. Are you more child-like or childish?
Child-like, I grew up in a cult and even though I have been in the real world for a while it still surprises me A LOT.

9. What is the last thing you said out loud?
“Let me know.”

10. What song comes closest to how you feel about your life right now?
evolve – Ani Difranco
For your indulgence the lyrics:
i walk in stride with people
much taller than me
and partly it’s the boots but
mostly it’s my chi
and i’m becoming transfixed
with nature and my part in it
which i believe just signifies
i’m finally waking up

and there’s this moth outside my kitchen door
she’s bonkers for that bare bulb
flying round in circles
bashing in her exoskull
and out in the woods she navigates fine by the moon
but get her around a light bulb and she’s doomed

she is trying to evolve
she’s just trying to evolve

now let’s get talking reefer madness
like some arrogant government can’t
by any stretch of the imagination
outlaw a plant!
yes, their supposed authority over nature
is a dream
c’mon people
we’ve got to come clean

cuz they are locking our sons
and our daughters in cages
they are taking by the thousands
our lives from under us
it’s a crash course in religious fundamentals
now let’s all go to war
get some bang for our buck

i am trying to evolve
i’m just trying to evolve

gunnin for high score in the land of dreams
morbid bluish-white consumers ogling luminous screens
on the trail of forgetting
cruising without a care
the jet set won’t abide by that pesky jet lag
and our lives boil down to an hour or two
when someone pulls a camera out of a bag

and i am trying to evolve
i’m just trying to evolve

so i walk like i’m on a mission
cuz that’s the way i groove
i got more and more to do
i got less and less to prove
it took me too long to realize
that i don’t take good pictures
cuz i have the kind of beauty
that moves

11. Have you ever taken martial arts classes?

12. Does your life tend to get better or worse or does it just stay the same?
Gosh, if you asked in January of 2010 I would have said worse, steady. Only I have to say better, steady!!

13. Does time really heal all wounds?
I don’t know. I hope.

14. How do you handle a rainy day? Open the windows and light candles and drink tea and read – love!

15. Which is worse…losing your luggage or having to sort out tangled holiday lights?
Tangles lights. Losing my luggage would mean a whole new set of clothing and that’s fun, untangling lights would make me feel like I didn’t store them well.

16. How is your relationship with your parents?
Good. I often feel like because I am easier I don’t get what I need from them. Their efforts go to the higher maintenance. Can’t dwell on that, have to be happy they are well and the love me.

Will you miss them when they are gone?
I can not imagine how much I will.

17. Do you tend to be aware of what is going on around you?
I am hyper aware on so many levels and then often miss the ordinary details.

18. What is the truest thing that you know?
It is hard to hear a quiet voice in a world with so many screaming.

19. What did you want to be when you grew up?
Artist, writer.

20. Have you ever been given a second chance?
Second chances are funny. Often when you think you really need one – would just die to get one – it’s simply that you are looking at life wrong. When you think you are losing everything and only a second chance could help that is when life is actually giving you a second chance to start over and get things right.

21. Are you more of a giver or a taker?
I am a giver to a fault.

22. Do you make your decisions with an open heart/mind?
I am extraordinarily open, which often causes me to take much too long to decide a thing.

23. What is the most physically painful thing that has ever happened to you?
I got very ill in 2009 and was unable to walk or move due to pain.

24. What is the most emotionally painful thing that has ever happened to you?
I had to let go of someone. Letting go actually hurts worse then when they leave. Realizing that I couldn’t fix them and knowing what that meant for the relationship – having to hurt myself to protect myself.

25. Who have you hugged today?
My daughters, my nephew, my brother and my wife.

26. Who has done something today to show they care about you?
Today? Today I cared for others.

27. Do you have a lot to learn?

28. If you could learn how to do three things just by wishing and not by working what would they be?

A Make music.

B Speak Japaneses.

C Reverse Parkinson’s disease.

29. Which do you remember the longest: what other people say, what other people do or how other people make you feel?
How they make me feel. Words and actions are weak when it comes to the way someone’s energy affects your own.

30. What are the key ingredients to having a good relationship?
Communication, common ground, understanding.

31. What 3 things do you want to do before you die?

A Go to Japan.

B Get published for real.

C Change the world for the better.

32. What three things would you want to die to avoid doing?

A Watching a family member die again.

B Hurting my children.

C Forgetting what I have learned so far.

33. Is there a cause you believe in more than any other cause?
Embracing what makes us different and working to be on the same side.

34. What does each decade make you think of:

The 19..

20’s: Cloches, fish nets

30’s: The Great Depression, Hitler

40’s: World War II, swing music, NATO

50’s: Sputnik, Nat King Cole, Sinatra, LSD, parents born

60’s: Vietnam War, The Beatles, Woodstock, Janis Joplin, The Doors

70’s: Sister born, muscle cars, disco

80’s: Church, Salty the singing song book, MawMaw

90’s: Kurt Cobain, combat boots, my first loves, flannel, Acid Bath, heart ache

2000’s: Motherhood, hurricane Katrina, coming out, gaining over 100 pounds

2010’s: Moving forward, letting go, growth, love, weight loss

35. Which decade do you feel the most special connection to and why?
I would say the 90’s – they were my youth and formed me, though in another 30 years it will probably be the 2010’s.

36. What is your favorite oldie/classic rock song?
I’m Going Slightly Mad – Queen

37. What country do you live in and who is the leader of that country?
United States

If you could say any sentence to the current leader of your country what would it be?
I’m worried that no one really knows what they are doing up there.

38. What’s your favorite TV channel to watch in the middle of the night?
There are several – as long as some sort of mindless reality TV is on, in the middle of the night I am trying to sleep.

39. What Disney villain are you the most like and why?
Ursula as Vanessa (fat girl inside me will never really be gone.)

40. Have you ever been a girl scout/boy scout?
In the cult I was a Daisy when I was little, training for the Prim Roses.

41. If you were traveling to another continent would you rather fly or take a boat?
Oh, I think I need to go to Canada because, really, I would rather not do either. If I was going to I would fly. I just am kinda against cruises and I am guessing that’s what it would be if I took a boat.

42. Why is the sky blue during the day and black at night?
I know that it has to do with the light reflecting off the atmosphere and blue waves being more affected – I don’t really want to go through and pick all the words from science class out of my brain right now.

43. What does your name mean?
Wisdom or wise one.

44. Would you rather explore the deeps of the ocean or outer space?
Both scare me. When I think of the vastness of space I feel like I am in a vacum, I was so in love with the idea of outer space when I was little. Water scares me, I have grown up in the swamp land suburbs of New Orleans so I know that real life monsters live in the water that I love. Hmmm – sorry for the long answer – I am going to go with ocean, because as you may know by now i am all about feeling and, while I have never actually been to an ocean, the Gulf of Mexico make me hurt like being in love you know can’t possibly last. I think to get lost in something that makes you feel that would be totally amazing. (Probably because I am a tortured poet at heart.)

45. Word association

What is the first word that comes to mind when you see the word:

Air: Earth

Meat: Flesh

Different: Forever

Pink: Torn

Deserve: Saddness

White: Light

Elvis: Presley

Magic: Me

Heart: Pain

Clash: of the Titans

Pulp: Fiction

46. If you could meet any person in the world who is dead who would you want it to be?

47. What if you could meet anyone who is alive?
Marcellus Wiley (I am a complete freak for the man, have been for a while. Then I watched him talking about the whole NFL bounty thing and I was like, I adore this man!!!)

48. Is there a movie that you love so much you could watch it everyday?
I am such a nerd – there are kind of a lot, really.

49. You are going to be stuck alone in an elevator for a week. What do you bring to do?
iPad for reading, Netflix and internet. Mini fridge and veggies. LOTS of water – wait, where do I potty. Now, this is just gross….

50. Have you ever saved someone’s life or had your life saved?
My youngest, she was choking on cereal and I had to, like, beat on her back to get it out. I was so worried that I was hitting her too hard, but then she started turning a shade of blue-ish/purple and I was like, “Eff it!”

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