I work full time and I barely have time to breathe. In 2005 hurricane Katrina rearranged my life, since then I have gained roughly 80-90 pounds. I believe that it started in depression and became an addiction. I have started and failed many diets and then decided that MAYBE if I combine diet and exercise with blogging and shopping I might be able to find success. This is the story of 2010 and my struggle to rise above addiction, pain, depression and fat.
Trick or treat! An hour of trick or treating, which under normal (ie-before Katrina) circumstances would mean that we step step stop, step step stop. In a post hurricane world that means step step step step step step step step step step step step step step step step step step step step step step step step step step step step step step step step step step step stop, and repeat! I am surprised that the littles did so well. Yay!
I forgot to do this! Eeek! Well, good day. We had a little family party. We did not trick, but we did treat. The kids come to work with me tomorrow, SO HAPPY!!!
My nerves are shot. The kids are going off with Mimi and I feel all jangle-y and wrong. I need to go get my script filled. I lost weight, and still feel strange. Oh, well…
30 minutes; 180 calories burned; 5.359 miles biked. My goal this week was six 30 minute workouts and I did it. I feel good, my pain has been minimal. I can’t wait to weigh in! YAY!
Well, I got out of bed to workout (my friend and I are trying to call each other in the morning) and then I fell asleep on the couch! Still, an alright day.
Sleepy – check. Happy – check. Pain free-ish – check. What more could you ask for? Well, being home with my kids. (And, a million dollars! lol) All in all, a good day so far!
30 minutes; 206 calories; 6.553 miles biked. I didn’t get to the gym – G gave up her membership. So I am on my own, looking to find a place to try a few machines. There is a local Curves, I think I might stop in there.
Sometimes I hate being a grown up. I hate that this all has to be no fun from time to time. I hate that my girlie moment is once again cause for me to want to eat, cry and punch someone all at once. (However, after a lifetime of wildly erratic periods it is nice to have a steady cycle and at least know that is why I feel insane!) There I go again. This was to be a bitch bitch, bitch and instead it’s a silver lining. Yay!
30 minutes; 200.8 calories burned; 5.624 miles biked. I have decided to take a trip to the gym with G, I want to use a treadmill and see if I like it. I would like to get one for my birthday or Christmas, then make the from the couch to 5K plan my new year goal! :)
Starting weight – 255 Current weight – 205.4 First goal – 10% of starting weight – 25 pounds – need to lose: DONE Second goal – 10% of new weight (230) – 23 pounds – need to lose: DONE Third goal – 10% of new weight (207) – 20 pounds – need to lose: 18.3 Fourth goal – 10% of new weight (187) – 18 pounds – need to lose: 36.3 100 pound goal – projected new weight (169) – 14 pounds – 50.3
Whoa! Thank God, that’s all I can say. This time was like waking up for the first time in ages!
I am tired. Very. I am working out tonight and I am going to dancing with baby Lou. (Who, while she doesn’t mind being called little Lou, cannot stand being called baby Lou.) Dinner is pre-cooked, eating left overs from yesterday and making some baked french fries!
Just tumbling along, letting the world beat me up. I was having a great weekend, and then my love fried a turkey. For real. I gave her a oil free turkey fryer and she used it this weekend. The turkey was so good, and I pointed it. The downfall for me – gravy. I told her not to make it, she thought I was joshing. I wasn’t. I went a little crazy lady and dipped a bit here and there. I am overestimating it at 1/4 cup (NO WAY that is right, but punishment is needed) and pointed it at 12 points. There you have it – I was so angry at myself afterwards that I wanted to hurt myself. I didn’t, not physically. Instead I picked a fight with A and then cried a lot. We hugged it out, all is better and I have a clearer head. My plan of action is to take the 12 from my weekly 35 and to also work out at least 12 activity points worth (and then not use those points.) We will see. With prayer and will this can still be an amazing week.
The girls and I woke up on time and had our shiz together, in fact I had time to make eggs for breakfast. As I was taking the eggs out little Putt asked for a job. I put her on lunches, not making them but getting everything together. Putt took the turkey out of the fridge noticed it was open when a few pieces fell out, her reaction to this? But of course she dumped the rest so that the cats could feast with abandon. Argh! So suddenly I have to pick up lunch, I no longer have time for eggs. At this point we barely have time for mobile breakfast, which is what we ate.
So the other day we had a field trip to go on, little Putt and I. I love doing these school things with the kids, but this trip was so wretchedly wrong from the jump! First of all it rained all morning and the pumpkin patch was a sloppy mess, but that was a nonissue for a while because we did this -
for an hour. That’s right, we just waited with NOTHING for the kids to do before we took the first graders to watch this for 45 minutes.
Don't get me wrong, my child loved the movie. I pride myself on having kids who are pretty age appropriate. Still, most of the kids are over Elmo and somewhere around the ten minute mark it became painfully obvious that our group had already sat for an hour too long. Even the kids who wanted to watch couldn't due to noise, so they gave up and the noise got worse.
After that we went to pick our pumpkin. The teacher made a rule that kids had to carry whatever pumpkin they picked. I seems to me that we should have done the patch last then, so that we wouldn't have to haul the dang things around. What do I know, I am but a parent. On ward, to the patch! Putt and I select a pumpkin and then take a few pictures and then.... We sit, again. For twenty minutes, in the sun, running isn't allowed, nor is browsing once you have picked your pumpkin. Uh huh. This sucks.
After that we headed to this -
the hay ride. We waited, again, for 20 minutes and then boarded and then waited and then took a five minute jaunt around the patch. We unload and are told to go have lunch on the tarp -
where, once again, there is no running, playing or general fun allowed. We are told to sit and - you guessed it - WAIT after we are finished. Finally we are allowed to release the children (who, as you may remember, are all still carrying their pumpkins from earlier) into the main attraction -
which was a big construction fencing square that had a bunch of balls for the kids to play with (or kick, since they were still holding pumpkins.)
30 minutes; 200 calories burned; 5.895 miles biked! 30 minutes on a light bike ride. No idea how many miles or how many calories… I miss riding my bike SO much!
Can’t wait for Lou to get home! Going to cook breakfast! Happy, happy, happy. Now if only Putt would drop the fits, do the time out and move on! It’s like, jeesh kid, you got a 20 minute time out just get it done so you can move on with your day!
Well, you guys, I actually did it - and on the same day! I am proud of me, this used to be such a habit and then my camera broke. I missed it sooo much at first and now its been hard to get into the groove! I actually did not eat two of the turkey sausage, they were 3 points a piece, they just sat together and posed! ;)
30 minutes; 225 calories burned; 6.550 miles biked. I feel great! This is the first time I have gotten through a workout feeling great in like two weeks! I am so thrilled. I know in the back of my mind that I may not feel this for long, but that is okay. Yeah! I am so happy – this week I am hitting it hard. 50 pounds is just .3 pounds away and I am going to slaughter it next week!
Seeing as I hit another 10% goal I am updating my BMI. As we all know I started this journey at 255 and that put my BMI at 43.8 - I have lost 49.7 pounds and my new BMI is:That's right, 35.3! Looking good BMI girl, keep it up!
I did it. I lost 23 pounds (since the last 25.7.) (24.7 to be exact.) (Total of 49.7!) So here is the next little fish from down below, just swimming off into the sea of NoLongerOnThisBody. Beautiful, huh? Bye little fishy.
"I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it." ~ Rita Mae Brown.
There is a food addiction in my life. I am careful to say it that way because I try not to own it, or have it as a piece of my identity. I did not always realize it was an addiction, I didn’t realize it was creeping out of hand. Then one day I couldn’t stop myself from pulling into every drive through, hiding the bags from other fast food runs and ordering three meals with three different drinks in hopes that the cashier would think I was ordering for the whole family. I had no money and yet I would pay with a credit card or delay other bills to ensure that I could binge. Sitting in my car, somewhere dark or desolate, I would eat. There was little taste as I chewed minimally and stuffed bite after bite. Somewhere after the first burger I was high – lost in a chemical whirlwind. I didn’t hurt, I didn’t think, I didn’t feel, I didn’t worry. I didn’t exist. As soon as the last bite was swallowed I would panic, finding places to toss the evidence and crying as I drove home. Disgusted and angry, not to mention feeling physically ill. In the winter of 2007 I told my girlfriend what I had been doing. I cried and confessed with the expectation of her rejecting me and finding me as disgusting as I found myself. She cried with me and then was just like, “So now what?” The answer to that was nothing. I wasn’t ready; all of the factors that irritated the food addiction were still so much bigger than me. Emotional distress, financial uncertainty, family stress and mental imbalance are all issues that created ‘the perfect storm’ for me. I did however decide that I would not hide it from her anymore. A strange thing happened; once it was out of the dark it was weakened. Suddenly what was a daily (often twice a day) habit became a weekly, every once in a while twice weekly event. A month later I told my mother what had been going on, a few days later I told my sister, a week or so after that I told my best friends. Every time I told someone the overwhelming need and push got a bit smaller. IN NO WAY did the addiction change or go away, just that by admitting it and owing it I gained some control. Still, for the next few years, I would binge. In May I decided I was going to Weight Watchers and working the program in a whole new way. The week before I joined I binged. I have not binged since then, I hold myself accountable and I move forward. There have been times when I was so weak and sad and I needed that escape, but because I have been being honest with everyone I just reached out for help. The longer I go, the weaker the addiction gets and the stronger my will to live and be happy gets.
Tips:
Do not eat in your car. (I no longer eat in my car unless I really need to. During the last five months I have eaten in my car ONCE.)
Be honest with SOMEONE. (If you can't even imagine coming clean to your friends or hubby or mother, find someone you can tell. It gets easier and easier to be honest with yourself when you are being honest with others. I can be found here, on Youtube and on blogger, reach out!)
Look deeper. (Addiction is a symptom of something bigger. Physically, mentally, emotionally - something is wrong. Working on the root will help you conquer the addiction.)
Identify your triggers and avoid them, if they are unavoidable make a plan of action that you can go to each and every time! (This is so important! Triggers can be fast food places, but those are obvious and easy to stay out of. Hidden triggers, such as a fight with your spouse, may have you eating before you even realize what is going on. You have to be ready for any event to cause the addiction to rear up again.)
Note: This entry is entirely in song! I woke up with minimal pain – which to me is as good as it gets! There is on a vauge ache and it has been silenced with Advil! My lovely surprised me with a Subway breakfast and my boss is in a good mood! Little Lou went off to school feeling well for the first time in a week! The birds, they chirp! The sky, its blue! How lovely today is! How are you? Good day! And then I dance!
Oh, my darlings! My little love monkeys! Gather and let me tell you what a devastation today’s workout was. So pathetic! I did 5 minutes of intense calorie burning, 10 of medium cardio and finally as I didn’t even know if I would finish at all I dialed it down to resistance one and just pedaled. Told myself that I could quit at any time and I rounded out the entire ordeal happy with me because I did at least get 30 minutes done! 30 minutes; 142 calories burned; 6.002 miles biked.
Back at work and while I would rater be home with the littles I have to admit being here is a relief because I am not worried about getting in trouble for missing work. Yesterday unfolded and I did not workout, strange how soooo much sitting around can drain you more than getting things done.
Little Lou is sick, but I got to have her with me the whole day. I worked out and was unable to actually perform to my normal level, but I did get through half an hour. Stupid KW is on my TV, but I am getting to watch Ellen as I sit here and recover! So what could have been a crap day was pulled out by the small things! :)
33 minutes; 225 calories; 6.640 miles biked. So, let’s take a moment to talk about working out a bit. I made it a goal to work out 3 times a week roughly four months ago and I have achieved my goal each month. There were weeks when I hit 8-10 30 minute workouts a week and (more often) weeks where I barely got in my 3. I think that this inadvertent volley has helped me maintain a steady(ish) weight loss, by not allowing my body to get used to any one amount of exercise. It has also allowed me to work around the pain my body is sometimes stricken with. This week my goal is simply 4-5 30 minute workouts. Having a great week two weeks ago with 7 30 minutes workouts and an okay week last week of 3 30 minutes workouts last week I figure that 4-5 this week, 3 next week and 7-10 the week after will be a good mix of things!
Home, so lovely – though I was very nice to spend time with my mom. Rested, and cuddled – you can’t beat that! Pain – worse, but I am working through it and working out today.
Love hanging with mom and dad! Miss my woman. One kid being sweet and one being, hmm… snotty? That is a good word. Lost weight, but missed my meeting at home. Over all, a good day so far!
30 minutes; 146.5 calories; 5.703 miles biked. Whoo! It almost didn’t happen kids. Thank God it did. Heading to Mimi’s house tonight, what fun. Hoping for a loss this week, but to be honest I don’t think I worked as hard as I should have. I fell apart on some levels. Oh, well.
Lesson 1: An Introduction to the Religious Experience In this first lesson we will introduce the many different religions of the world by first defining the terms of philosophy, worldview and religion.
I enrolled today and I am loving it! The lesson I am working on now is a simple intro, but already it has led to the discovery of new websites and new layers in my though process. Yay!
For me, spiritually: World Religions 101 New Age Movement: Spiritual Enlightenment Metaphysics 101 Angels 101: History, Religion, Spiritualism and You (Angel Healing) Wicca 101 (Wicca Witchcraft & Magick: The Essentials) Meditation 101 Dream Interpretation 101 Working with Your Animal Allies, Teachers and Totems (Finding Your Animal Teachers) Chakras 101 Reiki 1st Degree (Reiki 2nd Degree, Reiki Attunements, Reiki Essentials, Reiki Hand Placements) Energy Healing Self Hypnosis 101: Reshaping Your Reality Tarot Cards 101 Introduction to Dowsing – A Better Way of Life The Runes Reading Tea Leaves for Fun and Profit
For my interest: Auras: Viewing, Identifying, and Understanding Kinesics 101 – Learn to Read Body Language Feng Shui 101 Life Coaching 101
For home schooling: Stress Management 101 Nutrition 101 Behavior Management 101 Building Self Esteem Child Psychology 101 Solution Focused Parenting with Difficult Teens Counseling Psychology 101 Conflict Resolution 101 Lifetime Wellness 101 Wellness Coaching 101
I have so many interest and so many bits of knowledge. I am now at a place where I want to learn more about the things I have been repeatedly drawn back to. Reiki, tarot and many other things. I have a basic knowledge and I have some skill in some of these areas, but I would like to learn. I think that this weight loss journey has led me to a self discovery journey… I want to have more, to give more, to be an amazing mother and raise amazing kids. My first order of business is to decide what classes I want to take and in what order.
I feel jangley and I feel sad. Disconnected. I need to sleep in MY bed tonight. I have not worked out, I know that matters. I have been a little sloppy with the food tracking – eh, I am not going crazy. Big picture, more important things.
Pain – really getting rough. I have very few goals this evening. Homework, bath time x 2, dinner, 30 minute workout, shower and to clear the table. NOT in that order. No dancing or anything so we get to just chill and Lou is going to be makingthings with clay. :) I think I am making a potato dinner – no, cooking meat. Making meatballs for tomorrow and making blue berrty burgers tonight!
Well, I didn't do the best job taking pictures of all my food today, I did figure out that if I take the pictures in VGA format they load hella fast! (Yay!) This day was screwed from the start and by the time I got to work I was too hungry to take a picture of my sandwich. So, here we go: 1. My water bottle, vitamins, coffee and V8 on ice. 2. My FiberPlus bar - SO good. 3. My WW yogurt, it was okay. Dinner (not pictured) was Subway and Skinny Cow ice cream!
So I got up today and I would have rated the day a 9 – hot lovin’ last night and a fair night’s sleep – I woke up and decided that a nice dress up day was in order. So, I cleaned the cat boxes, put out the trash and picked out a dress. I put on my dress and heels, fixed my hair and supplied the kids with sock, hair dos and breakfast. Then, out the door. Of course when we got to the starting of my car the day slide to a resounding 4, because Johnny Stevens had a dead battery. Hmmm, okay. Call for help from roadside assistance, find out it will be an hour walk back in and change into jeans and a tee. Then I decide to use this time to clean out my car, cool. We clean out the car and the assistance arrives a half hour early; the day just became a 6. Get the kids to school, without turning off the ignition, and fill my gas tank, without turning off the ignition. (That last one isn’t the smartest move, but in a pinch where you will not be able to restart the engine – go for it!) Arrive at AutoWorld (not the real name) and go in to find out that there are no guys working. Oh-kaayyy. Get the tiniest woman in the world to help find a new battery and find out that my old one it still under warranty so I get money towards a new battery. What would have been 84.99 plus tax becomes 31.01 with tax – yay. The day is now a lovely 8! And so it is, my lovelies that in four hours I got more done than I usually do in a day!
A little while back I signed up for caloriecount.com just to see what the count of my food would be. While I admit that I am not eating as much to make up for being unable to move I am in NO WAY starving myself and still my daily count (if I stick to what I have planned) is 1,075. My estimated burn, without working out, is 1990 – hmmm. Thing is that is still leaving me with 10 points for the day, so my ending calorie count will probably be higher. Guess we will see!
Strange how many days would be 10’s if only I could be home with my kids. Seriously I am thanking God for the fact that my toilets are fixed (more on that later) and I am thrilled to be losing and to have divine will power. I just need to pay things off so that we can make the leap to one person income and I can be full time at home! How awesome!
I am moving into a new phase because I have a new erythema nodosum bump on my left leg. So this is where it gets hard to stay on course, not so much food wise, but movement. With a flare comes an enormous amount of pain and an unnatural fatigue, needless to say this morning I did not get up to workout. :( I am going to MAKE myself workout this evening, and I plan on eating very well to make up for the decreased exercise. I learned from the last time I went hard core on the food that I need to be careful not to overdo it; I am drinking LOTS of water and snacking on healthier things. Yay! 10.6 pounds to go to be 199, six more weeks ‘til my 30th birthday – so at 1.8 pounds a week this can happen!
Seriously, a good day. Nice loss (2.2) and cool weather. My body feels jacked and my toilets are giving back, other than that if my Lou was home it would be great!
I am down 2.2 and I am doing a dance! What? What? OMG! I am so excited AND I love my meeting AND I love my leader AND I drank coffee (in case you could not tell!)
For a moment losing weight seemed almost like a bad thing. I am the fat girl. I am the food addict. It’s who I am and I do it well. I have made it funny and I am cool and I carry it well. Then I realized that I could do this, make this change. I could find new jokes and new humor and be me, but with different defining characteristics. Yeah, I think I am going to wind up being LittleSLUTMe – ‘cause I swear there is a major trash ball just waiting to rock a small size in here!
Lou is going to mimi’s house this evening and staying until Sunday. Oh, my! I miss her already! Today is no workout and eat clean with LOTS of water to wash any salt weight away!
Mini workout today. My body is running on low so I made the executive decision to cut the workout short at 16 minutes, 80 calories and roughly 3 miles. Well, all in all I am calling this week a good – actually this week is an A+!
Okay kids, come gather around. We need to talk. I know that this doesn't seem possible, but Extra gum has made a dessert gum that is OFF THE CHAIN! I have not gotten to taste the strawberry shortcake. The key lime pie gum take like a flippin' piece of pie. No lie! You can taste the crust and the cream. The mint chocolate chip is like chewing non-cold ice cream. It is a mind trip AND a life saver. At only 5 calories you really can have a dessert alternative! Now, time for a quick "come clean" - I am always in pursuit of that mind altering feeling of strange. My all time fav thing to eat is cotton candy frozen yogurt from TBCY, because it is yummy and because it trips my brain out. I mean, is cold and solid and cream AND it taste just like cotton candy! Shut up! This gum does the same thing and while I have not tried the strawberry I can guarantee that I will buy three packs when I find it!
Update: So, I found the strawberry and I lied. I only bought two packs. Also, it sucks. I don't know how or why BUT they dropped the ball here! So stick to key lime or mint chocolate and, enjoy!
Looks like we are going to round out the week holding steady at 8 – not bad at all. This morning was a doozy, but then I got to work and my crush – I mean boss – (hey he is married and I like ladies so it’s all good) said I was “withering away” so the day is already balanced out and even tipping the scales towards good! Yay!
I just got into work and I am having a rough day (can’t find the kitten BECAUSE she is already in her room; get 10 minutes from home and turn around for my cell only to find it in my car after I get home…) and I walk in to my office and my boss – who I love and who I have had a bit of a straight crush on – looked at me and then did a double take. “What?” I asked, prepping for the worst. “Girl, you are withering away.” He answers. Before I figure what he said I am like, “Huh?” He looks me up and down and says it again with awe in his voice.
So good. It took a minute to get into it, and there were times when my ADD would kick up and I would have to read and re-read a sentence a few times. Once I was into it I loved it. Like all his other books it really came together all the interesting short stories that would be good on their own become awesome as they weave a lovely whole! Up next:Coyote Blue – so happy to read that again!
♥♥♥♥Practical Demonkeeping (1992) ♥♥♥♥♥Coyote Blue (1994) ♥♥♥♥♥Bloodsucking Fiends: A Love Story (1995) Island of the Sequined Love Nun (1997) The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove (1999) Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal (2002) ♥♥♥♥Fluke, or, I Know Why the Winged Whale Sings (2003) The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror, v. 2.0 (2005)—contains the same text as the above, with an additional 35-page short story at the end ♥♥♥♥♥A Dirty Job (2006) (awarded The Quill Book Award for General Fiction for 2006) ♥♥♥♥♥You Suck: A Love Story (2007) Fool (2009) ♥♥♥♥Bite Me: A Love Story (2010) Bolded titles are the ones I have on Kindle already!
