Little FAT Me

I work full time and I barely have time to breathe. In 2005 hurricane Katrina rearranged my life, since then I have gained roughly 80-90 pounds. I believe that it started in depression and became an addiction. I have started and failed many diets and then decided that MAYBE if I combine diet and exercise with blogging and shopping I might be able to find success. This is the story of 2010 and my struggle to rise above addiction, pain, depression and fat.
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30. Mother. Wife. Artist. Psychic (sensitive.) Writer. Singer. Rain dancer. Lover. Daughter. Sister. Child of God.

The road to MY PERSONAL goal BMI/weight!

Saturday, January 9

What wouldn't we do? (We could call this post the truth about Weight Watchers.)

The 'we' there in that title is a collective fat girl we. Yes, we will drink water all day to have pizza at night and still meet our point range.
I was reading online that WW is not an effective means of "dieting" and that diet & exercise is not an effective way to lose weight or maintain weight long term IF you are already over weight. The general idea was that once you are a lardie the thought that you could diet and be active for the rest of your life is preposterous. It is, no one-time fat girl can be completely rigid their whole life and stick to a "diet" forever. She can make a change to her life style. She can work on herself and realize that she doesn't need the comfort that food provides, or that whatever whole in her life she was filling can be filled another way. She can decide that she doesn't need addiction, just like any other addict can recover. (Beating a food ADDICTION is harder, in my opinion, than any other drug addiction because you have to eat. There is no abstaining from that. If you ask any truly recovered addict if they thought that they could have just one hit the answer would be no. So when you are a food addict you are required to have just one hit three times a day and to be "normal" afterward. To overcome that there must be something new. In my case, blogging has really helped. I love to write and now when food is all over my brain I blog, I obsess, I nit pick each word, and I chew the fuck out of ice.)
Now, the reason they said that WW was not a "good" plan was that it preached that you could eat anything you wanted as long as you watch your points and there for it taught fatties to eat veggies all day so that they could eat ice cream all night. (BTW - that's not a direct quote, it's the real person speak of a complex Dr. language that they were using.) So, anyway, while you do lose weight doing this you don't learn anything about nutrients or low caloric intake, blah, blah, blah. While reading the article it became clear that they had probably never been fat and that they had probably never attended a WW meeting. Even of they did, no one can see the magic of WW in one meeting or in reading a business plan. WW magic is a slow developing, life long seed. It's the implantation of a little voice in the back of your mind. Don't get me wrong, while my meeting leader waxed poetic bs about how great veggies are and how fiber fills there were women in the back of the class swapping the secrets to eating peas all day so that they could have a full size Snickers bar at night, BUT normally those women would have had three Snickers and eaten McD's for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Don't tell me they were not learning something.
At first I, myself, found a way to keep my fast food by banking points. (I don't think it's call that anymore.) I rationalized cheese with water all day and I lost weight. WHEN I lost weight I started thinking that I wanted to keep losing weight and suddenly my fast food was not as important as feeling good or buying jeans I loved or getting pictures back and being happy with myself. At the moment in time that I decided to nix my fast food and dive head long into losing weight I didn't have to research low calorie food. I didn't have to learn about the nutritional value of high fiber, low calorie veggies. I already knew all that. I knew it because WW had been drilling it into my preoccupied skull. I knew it because even though you can eat anything they work hard to teach what you should eat. Suddenly that little voice in my head that used to whisper, "You can totally have that cake. Eat it ALL." Started to shout, "That piece of shit cupcake is smaller than your pinkie toe and cost 7 points! We could eat two boiled eggs with pepper for 4!" I was happy eating a boiled egg for a snack, it was filling and tasted good. Of course, on days when I had to have pizza, I could eat as I wanted. Those days came, but with a clear plan I bounced right back. That was seven years ago. I was doing well and then I had a baby, a break up, a hurricane... Still I had the voice notating point values as I ate. I did learn, I was given the tools I just was not using them. Now that I am ready I feel good about it. I feel like I have a way and a chance that I would not have with out my time in the WW meetings.
Today, more like tonight, I am taking my daughter on a surprise trip to IHOP. Stuffed french toast = 15 points. Briefly I was trying to figure out how to make that happen, then I thought better. Instead I will have a veggie omelet and an order of hash browns for 13 points, much better use of food in my opinion!

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