Down, with new desire and a happy new thought process. Officially I am down 26.9, I want a big week. I will be happy with any weight loss. I am going to try, again, to stay off the scale and I am going to wear my weigh in clothes next week. Think week I had to wear pants.
I think I had let it get a little lost. Like, if motivation was made of marbles and you drop a few here or leave a few there. At first I didn’t notice any missing but then over the last few weeks I looked into my bag and found almost no motivational marbles to play with. Had to go through and figure out where I dropped them, or, in this case, I found all new ones. Going through photos. It wasn’t so much what I used to look like, though that was nice, it was more how I felt and how I was and who I was. I want her back, I want me. I feel dedicated in a whole new way. Yay!
Well, as I said I would, I have updated BMI girl to reflect my new, 10% less me, number. My new goal is to lose 23 pounds (10% of me now) and I will post an update on my BMI once I hit that. I am hoping for another 10 weeks or less. I am proud and a little wary. I know it will be hard, but it has been hard and I have been sticking through. :)
I can’t believe I did it, but I did. Oh, my. A month. I truly am a different person than I was a month ago. I feel better, though admittedly not today, I feel better and like I can make the biggest change I ever have.
This goal – I complete. I am crying as I write that. Wow.
I am working out, but then I lose the blog time. Blogging REALLY helps me stay focused and I feel like I am falling without time to blog. I have not upload my daily foods, I have not found inspiration. I feel like I am lost.
Just discovered that potatoes are not so bad, infact they are a limitless filling food. OMG I rocked some fries yesterday - it's coming! Now when I want something low point I use a small potato - 1 point, a table spoon of Ricotta, 0 points and a half cup of pasta sauce - 1 point. I know! SO yum!
I know from my first round of WW that not meeting your points will make you stop losing. I am eating, and eating well. Still, I have not reached my point the past few days. I wind up with three to five. I think, “Wow, I can have a snack.” Only then I worry that having a point filled snack is not really helping. What do you guys think is better? Be low on points or eat junk to reach points?
I love walking with G. She makes the time fly by! BTW – I used my new shoes today for the first time. I had worn them out shopping and around the house, but that’s when all shoes are alright. They were awesome! In fact I didn’t even think of the fact that I was wearing them until I got home and changed into my fitness flops! So excited!
I fell off the wagon. The people who love me want to say, “Oh, you are allowed a slip.” or, “One day wont hurt.” or, “But, you did it in a healthy way!” True, true and true. Only not.
I have a food addiction. I am addicted to food.
I am allowed a slip up on my new food plan (I don’t like the word diet because that really is not what it is – more on that later.) I am not allowed a slip up on my recovery. Here, in my mind, is the difference: a slip up on my food plan would be me saying to myself that I really wanted chocolate cake, then finding a way to either reward good behavior with that cake or work it into my daily points. A slip up in recovery is when I am emotionally reaching for any food (cake in this example) and eating way too much of it, without feeling satisfied by the food, but instead finding momentary satisfaction in the act of the binge. The repeating the behavior again and again in one sitting, or several sittings.
One day can and WILL hurt me, if I let it. One day is like a alcoholic going to the bar just for one evening. It might not be the undoing that time, but it leads to false security. One day turns into two or three and that is dangerous.
There is no healthy way to indulge an addiction. The addiction itself is unhealthy! Sure I ate pretzels and Olean chips and other low point foods, in fact when speaking in point terms I didn’t go overboard. I used my daily points and ten of my reserve points. That isn’t what defines yesterday as a problem, it’s how I reached those points. Swallowing was the high, stuffing myself to the point of self-hatred and shame. Binge eating to the point that I came home and lied on the couch listing the reasons I suck in my mind. Beating myself for being fat and lazy and ugly and stupid. I am not ugly. I am NOT stupid. I can be lazy, but I can also work very hard. I am fat, I am also changing that.
Yesterday I pressed reset on my recovery. Thank God I am not letting myself do the full slide. Today I start over. I am renewed and ready. Today I am breathing and taking it for what it was.
Over there on the WW web where they talk about losing the first 10% of your body weight they have a whole list of reasons this is good for you. They go like this:
“A Healthier Heart
By losing just 10 percent of your body weight, you can lower your cholesterol and reduce your blood pressure, says G. Ken Goodrick, PhD, psychologist and associate professor of medicine at Baylor College of Medicine in Houston, Texas. High cholesterol and elevated blood pressure are two major risk factors for heart disease.
Lower Risk of Type 2 Diabetes
If you’re overweight, you’re at increased risk for type 2 diabetes, which means your body can’t make enough, or properly use, insulin, a hormone that helps convert food to usable energy. By losing just 10 percent of your body weight, you’ll improve your body’s ability to use the insulin it makes, possibly preventing the onset of the disease, Miller-Kovach says. If you already have type 2 diabetes, shedding that 10 percent may improve your symptoms and possibly prevent complications, she adds.
More Pep
“Just a 10 percent weight loss increases feelings of vigor and vitality,” says Miller-Kovach. “You’ll feel better and have more energy.”
A Mental Edge
Losing 10 percent can give you the self-confidence and motivation you need to keep going. “Success builds on success,” says Miller-Kovach. But be sure you recognize it. “Losing 10 percent is a milestone in the journey,” says Miller-Kovach. “Once you get there, take the time to congratulate yourself on your efforts.”
Reality Check
After losing 10 percent, you gain a sense of what it will take to lose the rest and reach your final goal weight. “It gives you a context in terms of saying, ‘Am I willing to put in that much more effort to lose even more weight?’” Miller-Kovach says. If the answer is no, that’s okay. “Some people only lose 10 percent and that’s it,” says Goodrick. If that’s you, pat yourself on the back. “Health-wise, a 10-percent weight loss is a great achievement,” Goodrick says.”
Hmmm, a good start equals elongated success? True, I will bite. I want to talk about something different. I had not had a period in over six months and I was told that I was probably so heavy I would not have periods until I got healthy.
I am about 5.9 pounds from my first 10% and I started my period two days ago. Wow, I really am changing my body!
Sam, actually Sam II, has passed away. I called customer service and while doing the reboot he took a turn for the worse. I cried. I feel like crying now. My glasses will come and there will be no Sam. The man who helped was nice and said he would see what he could do about a replacement. Deep breath. Who am I without Sam? What is a girl to do without her books at her finger tips?
