Little FAT Me

I work full time and I barely have time to breathe. In 2005 hurricane Katrina rearranged my life, since then I have gained roughly 80-90 pounds. I believe that it started in depression and became an addiction. I have started and failed many diets and then decided that MAYBE if I combine diet and exercise with blogging and shopping I might be able to find success. This is the story of 2010 and my struggle to rise above addiction, pain, depression and fat.
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30. Mother. Wife. Artist. Psychic (sensitive.) Writer. Singer. Rain dancer. Lover. Daughter. Sister. Child of God.

The road to MY PERSONAL goal BMI/weight!

Saturday, June 12

Tracker Keeper

There are few things in this world that give me the same high as completion. I think that is because I have severe ADHD and so often completeing a task - to it's fullest, realist level - doesn't happen for me. I used to get real upset when people point that out or would comment on it. The truth is that when I get that way it's because I already have such a hostility built up with myself over the issue. I am going to be thirty this year and I actually had the same pen until it ran out of ink for the first time about three years ago. It was an amazing moment for me. I finished something. I did it!
I think that is why the small weekly point Tracker from my WW meetings make me so excited! It's only seven days and I can keep up with seven days! I don't punish myself if I slip up on the fullness tracker at the bottom, though I will tell you that that is a handy tool and calls attention to my weakest times. It also helps me think, because I fill it out BEFORE I have a snack or meal and I think about how I am really feeling. Mentally I will think about gorging on something in the work mini fridge, then I plot myself (honestly) on the fullness tracker and it's often that I only need something light. It might be because I am not that hungry and it might be because I only have a half hour to lunch - whateve, it helps me control my food habit.
I also punish myself with my "extra" bank of points that is now easy to track because of that side portion of my weekly Tracker. Everyday I take away two bank points to cover any miscellaneous points I might not think count. (Like in the way that a half cup of veggies might be zero but I ate a half cup and then picked an extra mushroom.) I also punish myself for being weak. (Like if I feel I made a dub choice, it might only be a technical four points and that is all I record for my day, but I take away five more of my bank.) They say not to punish, but it works for me.
A the end of each week I write my loss or gain - I hope not - on the out side and keep them so that if I get stuck I can easily go back to a week that worked and plan out my meals!

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